Raze
by Saoirse agus amach
Summary: Tattoo artist Suki Lovelace is thrown into a new world with danger and secrets at every turn when Hydra mysteriously orders her kidnapping. The Winter Soldier becomes both her torturer and a light to her as the journey through her past gets darker and darker. Together, they will raze everyone who betrayed them. Dark Romance, not for the faint of heart.
1. Chapter 1

Hello! I've been wanting to write a Bucky story for a while now, then I saw Infinity War and decided to actually do it. I hope you enjoy this as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Our dear Captain will play a larger role in later chapters along with others of the Avengers. But this story is really about Bucky and Suki, I hope they turn out on page as amazing as they have in my head.

* * *

 _Status report: extraction number 101. Subject is female, twenty-five years of age. Five foot three inches and one-hundred-twenty pounds. Eye color: green. Race: Caucasian. Hair color: changes often. Resides in Washington, DC._

The Winter Soldier went over a mental check list of his subject as he watched her from a distance. He had been watching her for days, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. This wasn't an assassination, his mission was to extract and deliver. The subject, however, was never without company. So he waited and took mental notes. Memorizing her every mannerism, every word, and every habit. There was no reason to rush the mission, she would slip up, they always did.

Today was a work day for her. The small tattoo shop was unassuming but constantly busy. The most frequent customers being soldiers on leave.

 _The subject has ties to the United States Army, both her father and brother serve. Subject is to be considered potentially highly armed and dangerous._ The Soldier continued his mental notes, remembering the file he had been shown before deployment to DC. In addition to the file, he had been forming his own profile of the subject over the past few days.

 _The subject shows no signs of violent behavior. The subject does not carry a weapon other than a pocket knife. The subject shows no evidence of enhanced abilities. The subject appears to be a simple civilian._

"Then why does Hydra want her?" An annoying voice spoke in the back of the Soldier's mind. His eye twitched at the intrusion. It was a voice he knew well and was proof that he needed to return to his handlers soon for another treatment. He cracked his neck tuned into the transmission of the bugs he had placed in the shop days earlier.

"I'm off to the VA shortly, think you can hold down the fort for a few hours?" The subject spoke to one of her employees and the Soldier perked up. This was a new activity for her, perhaps a weakness. The employee mumbled a response back as a car pulled up to the shop. Black. Bullet proof windows, government plates. The subject's father and the real problem for the Winter Soldier. The high ranking officer never let his daughter travel alone. He listened as the subject, her father, and her employee bantered back and forth then readied himself to follow them. A familiar rush filled him as he anticipated finally getting to cross paths with his subject. The Winter Soldier was ready for a fight.


	2. You're Not Alone

"Hey Sarge!" Suki greeted her father warmly as he entered her shop. She always got a kick out of seeing the staunch military man walk in to her little place. Something about his rigid manner clashed beautifully with the red walls and art plastered everywhere. The shop, Royal Rose Tattoo and Art Studio was her pride and joy and she loved showing it off to one of the most important men in her life.

"Hi girlie, you said 1900, right?"

"Yes Dad. Just give me a minute to clean up my cubicle." Suki rolled her eyes at her Dad's use of military time. He had technically retired last year, but was still a 'consultant', whatever that meant.

"And you are?" Sarge turned towards Ryan, the shop's newest artist. While all of Suki's employees were colorful in their own way, Sarge looked exceptionally unimpressed with this one. He glowered at the younger man's long dreads, Coke can sized gauges, and multiple nose piercings, but especially at his 'Make Love, Not War' t-shirt.

"Dad, that's Ryan, I told you about him." Suki said sternly as she cleared her equipment and filed some drawings away. The shop itself was mostly open, except for a room in the back in case a customer wanted an intimate area tattooed or pierced. Each artist had a cubicle they worked in with waist height walls surrounding them. Openness was important to Suki, she wanted everyone in the shop to be able to talk freely while they were working.

"I just moved here from Chicago." The young artist extended his hand to Sarge and smiled. _Oh you poor boy._ Suki thought to herself as she saw the exchange taking place. Sarge didn't trust anyone, Ryan was about to be grilled. She busied herself with making sure her area was pristine while catching snippets of the interview. They were on the subject of travel when she tuned back in.

"Ya, I actually went on vacation to Vietnam last year, it was a real spiritual experience." Ryan was telling Sarge. Suki looked up wide eyed when he said that. This was not going to end well for poor Ryan.

"Vacation in Vietnam, eh?" Sarge narrowed his eyes at Ryan.

" _Dad."_ Suki growled at her father, trying to keep him from tearing into Ryan.

"I've been there." Sarge continued. "I guess you could have called that a spiritual experience too."

"Oh ya, when was that?" Poor Ryan had no idea how much of an idiot he was being.

"Around 1968 until 1975."

Ryan's eyes widened as what the Sarge was saying finally sunk in. _So maybe I didn't hire a complete idiot._ Suki thought to herself.

"Well, if you're done intimidating the hell out of my employee let's get going. Sam's expecting me at the VA." Suki grabbed her purse and headed for the door followed closely by her father.

Her stomach clenched a little at the thought of the meeting tonight. Sam had asked her to lead a support group for military families who currently had loved ones deployed. She was perfect for it since between her father and brother she barely remembered a time NOT having someone deployed. A lot of people didn't realize the toll that took on families and it meant a lot to her that Sam was trusting her to it. Still, the thought of trying to help these families was intimidating.

The drive to the VA was uneventful. She chatted with Sarge about her work, telling the funniest anecdotes she could think of. Like the soldier who came in and wanted 'What's up, doc?' inked on his dick. She had passed the job off to Ryan who was still new enough to be hazed a little. Most women in their mid-twenties probably wouldn't tolerate being chaperoned around like she was, either by her dad, brother, or one of her dad's grunts, but there was never a time she remembered being alone. Dad always insisted that she have someone with her. Truthfully, she suspected he had made a lot of enemies and was just worried about her, the thought of him protecting her made things tolerable.

* * *

Suki jotted down some notes as she listened to Karen, a young Marine wife.

"I took the baby to my parents for the weekend and my mom was watching the news. There was story on about Afghanistan and I just starting crying. Every soldier I saw looked like Jimmy, the injured ones, the dead ones, I thought any one of them could be him. My nerves are just shot and all my mom can say is how I should be prouder of him."

Suki nodded, contemplating her next words. "No one can tell you how to feel, Karen. Your fears are your own and I really think fear is healthy. It shows how much you love Jimmy. I know it can sometimes be hard to do, but try to avoid watching the news. We all -" Suki motioned to the group at large. "Know that what the media shows and what is really happening is rarely the same thing. No need to torture yourself, next time you visit, tell your mom you can't watch the news."

Karen thanked Suki and soon another woman, Angie, was talking about her son somewhere in the South Pacific. Out of the corner of her eye Suki saw Sam peak his head into the room and tap on his watch, signaling it was time to wrap up.

"Angie, I know you miss Kevin." Suki addressed the middle aged women then the whole group. "Just like I miss my brother and you all miss your husbands, wives, sons, and daughters. We'll get through this together, never feel like you're alone. But, the boss is telling me we need to pack up. I'll see you all next week." Suki smiled encouragingly at the group. The meeting had gone really well, fifteen people showed up and Suki felt immense accomplishment when she was able to actually offer them some real comfort and sometimes advice. As the members shuffled outside Suki started stacking the chairs.

"I can get those." Sam Wilson stood before her and smiled while he started stacking chairs. "From what I caught it sounded like that went well."

"Ya, I think so. It's really cool of you to think of a program for families too. I was thinking it would be nice to have some fun days too. Maybe have a deployed family picnic or game day for the kids. Lots of these families have little ones at home." Suki's mind was buzzing with the thrill of a new project.

"That sounds great, you draw some plans up and I'll work on the scheduling. It's great having you on board Ms. Lovelace." Sam finished up the final row of chairs.

"Please just call me Suki." Suki reminded Sam for what felt like the hundredth time since she had started volunteering at the VA. A car horn sounded outside causing them both to turn their heads. "That'll be Sarge. I'll see you later!"

Suki waved back at Sam as she headed for the glass exit doors. Just beyond them was one of her dad's nondescript government issue cars. Normally he would have walked inside to get her, the horn bit was a little odd, but he had been abnormally distracted at work. She opened the passenger door and was surprised to see the driver's seat empty. She leaned away from the car and started to head back inside when a sudden pain shot through her neck. Strong arms held her across the chest as she started to fall.

"Sarge?" Suki managed to strangle out.

"You wish." The deep gravelly voice was all Suki could make out before everything went black.

* * *

So there's Suki. I hope you like her and stick with me on this journey. It starts slow, but I find most great stories do. :) I thrive off of feedback, please review!


	3. Torture 101

"Subject 101 is secure." The Winter Soldier spoke into his earpiece to his handlers, the Russian rolling off his tongue with ease.

"Good." The voice on the other end replied. "Now break her for me."

The Soldier smiled at the command. The woman had been disappointedly easy to extract after all. He had hoped for a fight, but she offered no resistance. It had been all to easy to steal a car similar to her father's and strategically delay him with a few well placed grenades on his route to the VA. No doubt the overly protective father was now frantically calling in every contact he knew, but it would be to now avail, his daughter belonged to Hydra now.

The Soldier looked on the small screen where the subject was curled up on a mattress in the middle of the floor. Her bright hair and extensive tattoos stood out in contrast to the dingy almost- white mattress she was on. She was small, so mall the Soldier was sure he could crush her skull between his thumb and forefinger. Not that it mattered, but she was also very pretty. Something about her reminded him of another woman, someone from a long time ago. He tried to scratch the itch in his brain that was a memory forming. "She's sweet like Dot." The voice told him, he didn't know who Dot was.

The room she was in was empty except for the mattress and the chair with straps in the corner. It was a room the Soldier knew very well. He had been in her position before, whenever the serum wore off too much. Whenever that other voice in his head, the one with the Brooklyn accent, got too loud, he would be put in a room like that. It would give him pleasure to see someone else suffer for a change.

He started by turning the temperature down. When the girl started to shiver, he turned it even colder, colder still when she curled further in and tried to warm her hands with her breath. The Soldier would find out what the girl was made of, what made her so special to Hydra.

* * *

Suki woke up shivering. She was cold. Colder than she could ever remember being, it was like being outside in the middle of winter with no clothes on. Her breath seemed to freeze in front of her face. Slowly, memories started to come back. She reached up to her neck and felt a small bump, the pain, it must have been a needle. Someone had drugged her and brought her here.

"H-help!" She tried to call out, unsure if there was even anyone around to listen.

"Kto ty" A voice rang out around the room. She had not idea where it came from or what it said.

"I - I don't know what you said." Suki felt her voice falter as a violent shiver overtook her.

"Who are you?" The voice was male. Suki thought under normal circumstances it might even be pleasant sounding. She tried to stand, but her cold joints wouldn't move.

"S-suki L-lovelace. Please - please let me g-go." Suki's teeth chattered through her words.

"What does Hydra want with you?" The voice rang out again.

Hydra? Suki searched her memory for the name, she vaguely remembered something from high school history, Hydra had something to do with the Nazis. What did that have to do with this?

"I don't know what you mean. Please, help, I'm s-so cold."

"You won't be for long."

The temperature in the room started to rise suddenly. For a few blissful minutes Suki relaxed in the warmth. Then the temperature continued to rise. Her breathing became labored. Sweat started to pour off of her. Still, the temperature rose. She stripped down to her black tank top, unwilling to completely disrobe. She mentally cursed herself for forgetting a hair tie as her bright pink hair started to stick to her neck. It was starting to become nearly impossible to breath, the air was so thick.

"Warm enough?" The gravelly voice once again filled the room.

Suki didn't know how to respond, if she said yes would the temperature go back down to those frigid conditions? If she said no, would it continue to rise?

"Why does Hydra want you?" The voice asked again.

"I don't know! You have the wrong person, I'm nobody. Please, I won't tell anyone, just let me go." Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because the temperature once again started to fall rapidly. Soon, Suki was shivering with cold again, only this time it was worse as she was so damp from sweating.

Without speaking, this constant flux continued for hours until Suki was a shaking mess on the mattress. Her body was exhausted but couldn't sleep because of the constant extreme temperatures it was being forced to endure. She was dehydrated from sweating and her lungs were one fire. Just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, the temperature rose after another cold streak and leveled out in the middle without rising.

A heavy metal door on her left opened with a heavy thud and Suki tried to focus on the approaching figure. It was a man, maybe the mysterious voice? He wore all black tactical gear and a mask covered the lower half of his face. His eyes were concealed by a layer of thick black camouflage paste. Despite that, bright blue eyes shined out from their sockets, solely focused on her. Suki felt herself shake as he drew closer and withdrew two metal picanas from his belt.

He lifted her from the mattress like she weighed nothing and dragged her over to a chair where he strapped her down. Suki tried to focus on what Sarge had always told her to do if someone kidnapped her. She was supposed to get her kidnapper talking and gather as much information about her surroundings as she could. What Sarge never prepared her for was the absolute mortal terror she felt at this moment.

"Are you ready to comply?" The masked man looked at Suki without sympathy.

"I just want to go home." Suki choked out.

"Me too." The man struck the electrical end of one of the picanas to the sensitive flesh below her collar bone and she screamed in pain.

"Who are you?" The masked man asked her again.

"Suki Lovelace." Suki weakly replied and screamed as he electrocuted her again, this time through her stomach.

"Who are you?!" He yelled this time, holding the picana to her forehead.

"Suki Lovelace." Suki didn't know how else to respond. Pain shot through her whole body as he charged the picana through her head. The taste of meal filled her mouth and everything around her turned blindingly white.

"Who are you?!" This time the man screamed in her face.

Suki looked curiously into his deep blue eyes. He looked desperate, maybe even scared. She searched her mind for an answer to his question. Of course, how could she have forgotten who she was?

"Experiment 101."

* * *

Phew. That was hard to write. Leave a review :)


	4. Road Trip

Suki woke up back on the mattress. Groggily, she put together the pieces of information her mind was telling her. She had called herself something. 101. Why had she called herself that? A few flashes of hazy memories floated through her mind. White trench coats, needles, some men speaking in Russian. It was the strangest sensation to think of these memories. She was sure they had to have happened to someone else, it seemed she was seeing someone else's memories. And yet, they also were too real. They must be her memories but she had never seen them before.

She did a mental scan of her body from the tips of her toes up to her head. Anything to clear the fog of not-quite-memories. Nothing was broken. Her throat was scratchy and dry, her stomach rumbled in hunger, and her skin felt grimy and dry. Her muscles were sore from constantly being clenched and clenched in the crazy temperature fluctuations she had experienced.

Something moved in the corner. Suki turned her head in time to see the masked man stalk to her and kneel in front of her face.

"Who are you?" Suki's own voice sounded foreign to her ears. Her throat burned with every syllable.

The man continued to look at her without answering her question. Instead, looked her up and down before settling once again on her face. Then he lifted a gloved hand and just barely ghosted it over her face. Something about him was different now. Before, when he had her strapped to the chair he looked inhuman. There had been no gentleness in him, but now? Now he was quiet, his eyes looked tired and sad. He studied her the way someone might look at a dying animal, sympathetic, but unsure what to do.

"Help me." Suki croaked out despite the pain.

The mysterious man cocked his head at her and rubbed his temple with his palm. "I can't." His voice came out just above a whisper. Then he looked back up at her and the inhuman look returned. "I won't."

With a sense of finality he stood and strode out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

The Winter Soldier smacked the side of his head a few times in an attempt to clear it. Something had slipped in there. The other one had come through despite his attempts at keeping him back. When he looked at the girl, that other voice had nearly taken over. That could not happen.

Experiment 101. He scanned his memory for any information about it, but came up blank. She had called herself an experiment. Did she belong to Hydra like himself? How had she escaped from them? The questions danced around his brain as he continued to study her on the monitor. There had to be more to her than what he was seeing.

His communication device buzzed and a set of coordinates flashed across the screen. It was time to move the girl to the final location. He recognized the location, it was an older facility in upstate New York that wasn't used much. The trip would be about five hours by car, then he could be done with the girl. More importantly, he could get another treatment and the voice in his head would shut up. His body was starting to show signs of withdrawals from the cocktail his handlers pumped into his system. After only a few days without it he already felt weaker.

* * *

Suki clenched her teeth when the man walked back in the room, trying to mentally prepare herself for more torture.

"You will stand up, follow me and not ask any questions." The man stood in front her still lying form.

Suki attempted to lift herself from the mattress but her sore muscles and weak body kept her from doing so. With an impatient sigh the man reached down threw her over his shoulder like she weighed nothing. Once again, there was a sharp pain in her neck and she passed out.

When she came to, the sun was going down and she was in the passenger seat of a car. A small gasp escaped her when she looked at the driver. It was definitely the same man from the dungeon, but he had his mask off and his face was free of black paint. He didn't look that much older than Suki. He looked normal, like someone she would see on the street, not at all like a person who locked people in basements and tortured them. A glint of metal caught her eye and it was then that she realized he had a metal prosthetic arm. It was unlike any limb she had seen before, it appeared to function just as smoothly as his other arm.

"Stop staring." His voice cut through the silence of the vehicle. She didn't even realize he had noticed her.

"Where are you taking me?" Suki's voice came out just above a whisper.

"I told you not to ask questions." He snapped at her, keeping his eyes on the road. Since they were in a moving vehicle and she couldn't think of a way for him to hurt her at that moment Suki decided to press her luck.

"What's your name?" She prodded.

Surprisingly, he looked her direction for the briefest of seconds. His eyes were soft again, like they had been when she first woke up on the mattress earlier.

"I don't have one." He gripped the steering wheel harder while he ground out his answer.

Suki was surprised he even answered and pushed her luck farther. "What's going to happen to me?"

The car was silent for a long while. Suki was sure the conversation was over and he wouldn't answer when he suddenly drew in a breath and offered her another glance. "You will most likely be put through cognitive reconditioning. They're going to empty out your brain and fill it with what they need to."

Suki thought for a while about this _reconditioning_. She thought of the dark man and how he seemed to have two people living inside him, the inhuman and the human. "Is that what happened to you? Did someone torture you like -"

"Like I tortured you." The man finished the sentence for her. She swore he almost sounded regretful. "Yes." He continued. "And they will again. And if I'm asked to, I will hurt you again. You'll be the same way, we do what Hydra tells us to. I think, I think perhaps they mean for you to be a weapon like me."

The way he spoke shook Suki to the core. He was talking about such dark things, the loss of free will, but there was almost no emotion behind it. "Don't take me then. Let's just go somewhere, anywhere else! You don't have to do this." She tried pleading with him, appealing to whatever humanity was in him.

A heavy silence hung in the air while she waited for him to respond. Hope bubbled in her as he watched his face flicker back and forth, like his resolve was slipping. He cracked his neck and his features hardened instantly. It was as if he slid his mask back on and Suki knew she was doomed.

"No more talking." He pushed harder on the accelerator and glared at the road ahead of them.

* * *

Please please review! I really want to know what people are thinking so far.


	5. Going Home

Something tugged at the back of the Winter Soldier's mind. The other voice was screaming at him to let the girl go. The Soldier could not comprehend not finishing a mission, but the other voice would not stop yelling. The girl was silently weeping in the seat next to him. Something told him this should bother him, but he couldn't understand why. His head felt like it was about to be split open, he needed to get back to his handlers. He needed the pain and ultimate release the treatments gave him.

A car appeared in his rearview mirror. After a few miles he was certain it was following him. Perhaps he had found a way out.

* * *

Suki tried to comprehend the past 24 hours. Her world had turned upside down and she couldn't understand why. Nothing made sense anymore. She noticed abstractly that she was going into shock. Her mind and body were slowly shutting down in self-preservation.

Next to her, her captor continuously clenched and unclenched his jaw. A car pulled up next to them to pass and Suki made eye contact with the driver. She wondered if she could somehow signal that she was kidnapped. While she was trying to come up with a plan the driver suddenly rolled down his window and pulled out a gun. Suki screamed when the tire was blown out and the vehicle she was in careened off the road.

All sense of gravity left as the vehicle rolled full speed into a ditch. Her kidnapper violently twisted the wheel and the vehicle came to a halt facing the road. The driver reached behind him and pulled out his black mask, somehow clipping it on to his face.

He violently dragged Suki across the middle of the car and maneuvered the two of them held Suki in front of him with his metal hand gripped her neck firmly and he held a pointed gun at their assailants.

"Let her go!" Someone yelled across the road.

Suki felt the hairs on her neck standup when the kidnapper leaned in close to her ear. "Forget all of this." He whispered then shoved her so hard on the ground she felt her head hit pavement before she could even catch herself.

Someone ran up to her and was helping her stand. She saw a flash of red and heard gunfire, but couldn't make out what was actually happening.

"Quick mission my ass. I was shot Nat!" She heard the person holding her up say.

"You were grazed." This time it was a female voice. The two continued to rib each other as Suki was loaded into their vehicle.

"You're safe now, hon. We're taking you home." The man who had helped her placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Suki felt herself instantly relax. It was over, she was safe and going home.

* * *

"So you're saying you were kidnapped and tortured and you have no idea why or who did it to you?" The sharply dressed woman raised an eyebrow at Suki. She had only been in the hospital for a few hours when the woman appeared, saying she was with the government and needed to know as much information as possible. Remembering her kidnapper's final words, Suki had not been forthcoming with information.

"I'm sorry. I just don't remember much. I think maybe they had the wrong person." Suki shrugged and winced when the motion caused her whole left side to ache.

The Agent looked irritated. "Well if you think of something, call me." She handed Suki a plain white business card. All it read was 'Agent Maria Hill. S.H.I.E.L.D.' and a phone number.

Suki fell back into a pain med induced sleep after the agent left. She dreamed of blue eyes and red starts, of being electrocuted and frozen and burned. While she dreamed the hospital room lights and equipment constantly flickered on and off.

* * *

6 MONTHS LATER

"Hey Suk, why don't you get that for me?" Sam called out from the shower. Suki smiled inwardly at his familiar tone. Sam was her rock in the weeks following her kidnapping. He had patiently coaxed her through the worst of her nightmares and brought her through the trauma. Even Sarge had agreed that Sam was alright. Moments like this, answering the door while he showered, felt so domestic Suki wondered if they were maybe turning into more than friends.

Suki opened the front door and gaped at what she saw. It was a face the whole country knew, Captain America. Next to him, was a gorgeous redhead Suki swore she had seen somewhere before.

"Is Sam here?" Captain America looked as surprised as she felt.

"Uh, ya. Um, com in." Suki awkwardly held the door for the couple. A few days earlier Sam had come to the shop ecstatic about meeting Captain America while on a run but Suki didn't realize they were on a drop-in visit basis.

"Sam!" She called out. "You need to get out here."

Within a minute Sam emerged from the back room. "Steve?" He looked bewildered that the Captain was standing in his living room.

"Hey Sam. Sorry to just show up like this." Captain America - Steve looked apologetically at Sam. Everything Suki read about his 'boyscout' attitude seemed to be true.

"Everyone we know is trying to kill us." When Suki heard the readhead speak she knew exactly where she knew her from.

"You're the one who saved me!" Suki exclaimed. She never had a chance to thank her rescuers, had never even been told who they were.

"Your hair was different then."

Suki touched her light blue hair. "I never got a chance to say thank you."

"Well, that's not why we do it." The woman smiled at her. "I'm Natasha."

"Not everyone." Sam suddenly interjected. The other three looked at him puzzled. "Not everyone is trying to kill you two. Tell me what you need."

Steve flashed a huge grin at Sam and slapped him on the back.

"Shit, Suki I was supposed to have you back at the shop." Sam directed his attention to her.

"It's fine. I'll take your car by myself. It'll be our little secret." Sarge had doubled his security around her since the kidnapping. If he found out she was driving around on her own it would not end well. Same looked at her pointedly as if reminding her of that fact. "I promise to be careful. I'll even text you when I get there. I probably shouldn't even be around -" Suki swept her arms around the room indicating Steve and Natasha. She wasn't military or a spy or anything and recognized where she was not needed.

"Don't tell anyone about seeing us." Natasha fixed her with a hard stare and Suki felt the underlying threat. Natasha was not a woman to be crossed.

"I promise."

Sam handed her his keys. "Be careful out there."

"I'm just driving across town. Pretty sure you're the one who needs to be careful."

* * *

I was in love with this story when it began, now I kind of hate it. I still have more story to tell. Please take a few seconds and leave some constructive criticism for me :)


	6. Back to Square 1

Thank you to my lone reviewer, I'm glad you're liking the story. Guys, please please please review, follow, favorite, whatever it takes to let me know there's interest here.

* * *

Life was quiet since meeting Captain America. Suki had not heard from Sam and was starting to worry. The past few days she had settled into a routine of work, calling Sam, spending time down at the VA, calling Sam, and sleeping.

Royal Rose was busy today. Suki had called in nearly her entire crew, 10 artists, 3 piercers, and 2 desk workers, and every one of them was busy. She was currently working on designing a back piece for one of her more loyal clients. He wanted something inspired by the story of Hades and Persephone. Suki had decided on an image of the mythic couple in an embrace, with Hades looking out over the top of Persephone's head at a field of skulls. The client wanted the piece to mostly be black and gray with a few pops of color. Persephone's hair was bright red, she held a bright pomegranate in her hand, Hades was surrounded by gray smoke. His eyes were proving to be a problem for Suki. Every time she closed her eyes to think of how they should look she saw a pair of bright blue orbs peering out from behind a mask and black paint. She leaned back and rubbed at her eyes to try and see the image with fresh eyes. Sure enough, Hades was looking back at her, his face identical to her kidnappers.

"Suki." Aimee, one of the desk workers yelled across the shop. "Your 10 o'clock is here!"

"Send her on over." Suki cleared away the drawings and pulled out the blue transfer stencil of a Celtic cross she had planned out for this client. She stood to greet her client, they had never met face to face, just online as more and more of her clients were preferring. Outside, the sun was shining and Suki thought that maybe over her break she would take a walk. From the distance she started to hear screaming. The familiar buzz of tattoo machines stopped suddenly and the world fell into a heavy silence before exploding around her.

"It's Captain America!" Someone in the shop yelled and pointed up at the overpass. Sure enough, there was the Cap. He wasn't wearing the iconic suit, but his shield gave him away. Suki immediately started to look for Sam. All around her people clambered to the wall of windows at the front of the shop.

The streets around the shop descended into chaos as people fled the battle. Captain America was on the main street now readying himself for a fight against an unseen foe. Suki could see Natasha as well, Sam had to be close. Something exploded near the shop causing all the windows shatter. Clients and workers alike ran either further into the shop or away to find shelter elsewhere. In the noise and destruction Suki barely noticed a lone dark figure walking down the street towards Cap and Natasha. Once she focused her stomach jumped up to her heart. It was the same masked figure she had been dreaming about for months, and he was heading right for the Captain.

"Suki!" Aimee yelled out in a panicked voice but Suki kept moving forward. Her head was screaming at her to take cover, but her body just kept inching closer and closer to the fight. Suki absently noticed Natasha trying to get civilians to safety, even calling her name out but she kept moving.

Ahead, The Soldier and the Captain were locked in a fight. Suki felt the urge to go to the masked one's defense. _Why would I do that?_ She stood frozen, a part of her brain telling her to join the fray and the other part telling her to run to safety. The decision was made for her when she locked eyes with the Soldier. His deep blues showed a flicker of recognition and she heard him mutter "One O One."

That number catapulted her into action. The logical mind in her was screaming to stop, to go back to the shop, but her body was in total control as she ran towards Steve Rogers. She was inconceivably fighting alongside The Soldier against the Captain. The whole time she was screaming at herself to stop, that she shouldn't be doing the things she was doing. A shadow passed over her and she was tackled to the ground.

"What are you doing?" Sam was on top of her, some kind of mechanized wings spread out behind him. This was Sam, her friend Sam. She was thinking that, screaming at herself to remember him but watched as her fist collided with his jaw knocking him over. Sam tried to tackle her again but she was too fast this time and evaded him easily, landing a blow to the back of his head.

Next to them, The Soldier and Steve were locked together back to back. Steve reached up and pulled off the mask forcing them apart. Suki forced Sam back into flight to avoid her blows and looked up just in time to see Steve's bewildered face.

"Bucky?" Steve's confused voice was barely even a whisper, just loud enough for those standing around to here.

"Who the hell is Bucky?" The Soldier turned toward Steve like he was questioning him then raised a gun at the last second. Sam swooped down and forced The Soldier to roll away. He landed next to Suki and grabbed her by the waist with his right arm while his left arm once again raised his gun to Steve.

A low whistling sound was the only warning that Natasha had just fired a ballistic at them. The Soldier rolled so he was covering Suki with his body then starting sprinting away from the fight while still gripping her waist.

They ran for some distance before coming to a vehicle that Suki was promptly stashed in. She was trying to scream for help, internally sobbing about what had just happened. Her body, however, obeyed what she knew it needed to do. Cooly, she buckled herself in and stared straight ahead as the Winter Soldier once again drove off with her.

 _This can't be happening again._


	7. Soldier

_Two chapters in one day! I'm starting to like this story again. Leave a quick review, please._

* * *

 _Bucky Bucky Bucky_. The name rattled around the Winter Soldier's brain even after they approached the Hydra facility. Flashes of memories came to him. New York. Brooklyn. A dark alleyway and stopping a fight. Soldiers. A red skull. Who was Bucky? Who was the target that had called him that? His veins were on fire and his head pounding, he needed the treatment, but for the first time, he didn't want it. He needed the flames to stop, but he wanted to remember. Someone asked him for a mission report. He couldn't give it. He didn't know it.

"The man on the bridge." More memories. He saw himself and the man together in uniform. They were fighting side by side. "Who was he?"

"You met him earlier this week on another assignment."

The Winter soldier thought for a moment. It was deeper than that. He knew the man, he remembered drinking with him in a dark bar.

"I knew him." Why would no one listen to him? He knew the man. He knew him!

"Your work has been a gift to mankind." The Winter Soldier zeroed in on his current handler, Alexander Pierce. You shaped this century, and I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. Tomorrow morning we're gonna give it a push. But if you don't do your part, I can't do mine, and HYDRA can't give the world the freedom it deserves."

The Winter Soldier had heard this line of thinking before. He didn't give fuck about freedom or order. All he had ever known was the kill. Now there was something new. He had remembered something.

"But I knew him." He tried to grasp on to one memory. In his peripheral vision he saw the tattooed girl handcuffed and watching everything happen. He didn't want to forget any of this. He needed to remember the girl, the man, Bucky.

"Prep him."

"He's been out of cryofreeze for too long."

"Then wipe him and start over."

The Soldier knew what would happen next. Muscle memory took over and he took the offered mouthguard without protest. The whole time he tried to focus on a memory. The man on the bridge and him, standing side by side in uniform.

* * *

Suki looked on in terror as the masked man - The Winter Soldier - as someone had called him, was tortured. He screamed as electrodes bore into his head, apparently wiping everything in his head.

She still didn't understand why her body wasn't listening to her, why she couldn't do what her mind was telling her to.

"One O One!" The man who had ordered the doctors to wipe the Winter Soldier turned to her and smiled. He sounded pleasant. "Welcome home sweetheart." He walked over and put a hand on each of her shoulders and kissed her cheek.

"I don't understand." It was the first time she had been able to speak since the battle on the bridge.

"Of course you don't. Lovelace was on the forefront of memory technology." Pierce started to guide her out of the room deeper into the facility.

Suki could feel her body waking up. Whatever had happened to her was wearing off and she was gaining control of herself again. "Lovelace? My - my father?"

She felt like she was in a dream. None of this was making sense. Six months ago her world had turned upside down and just when things were feeling right side up again she was thrown into this.

"This should jog your memory." They had arrived at a small room filled with computer monitors.

Pierce sat her down in front of one of the monitors and flipped it on. An image of a much younger version of her dad filled the screen. He was wearing a white lab coat and looked like he was in a sterile environment of some kind. Pierce pushed play and the image of her father started talking.

"Thanks to the Winter Soldier getting a hold of the serum we've been able to successfully create a whole new Winter Soldier program. Included in that is my own division. One hundred times now my experiments have failed, but this time, Experiment 101 -" Her father smiled and shivers rand down Suki's spine at the words. "I think she's going to work."

The screen flickered and switched to what appeared to be a little girl's bedroom. The walls were pink and the bedspread covered in flowers. In the center of the room was a little blonde girl wearing a hospital gown. The screen switched back to her father.

"101 is four years old. Her body was the first to accept the serum we modified for children. I believe that by giving the serum at a younger age we can do away with the problem of free will. There have been too many close calls with Asset Number 1 and the successive Winter Soldiers. 101 will be the perfect agent."

"This doesn't make any sense." _One hundred times the experiment failed._ Suki stared in disbelief at the monitor. _My father killed one hundred children._

"Think harder, 101. Do you really remember anything before your were about 6?" Pierce's voice was gentle, almost soothing.

Suki tried to think. She remembered meeting her family, she had been adopted. She remembered how her brother smiled at her and showed her their huge backyard. She tried to reach futher back, but there was nothing there.

"Josiah Lovelace was a Hydra scientist. Keep watching, you're almost to the good part." Pierce patted her head and took a seat next to her. He pressed another file and her father appeared again, this time grinning.

"101 has had some unintended side effects. She's showing signs of enhanced abilities. I think that perhaps the serum being given to one so young is altering her growth process and bringing out latent abilities." Lovelace - Suki could not think of him as her father right now - paused here and laughed. "She also has had a unique effect on her trainers, the Winter Soldiers. They've all taken her under their wing, but particularly Asset Number 1."

The screen shifted to a small training gym where the Winter Soldier was holding up a punching bag for the little girl. He was speaking to her in rapid Russian and demonstrating various punches with his metal arm. The girl - Suki didn't trust that it was actually her - took a stance against the bag and kicked hard. The bag burst open and the little girl fell on her back. Suki watched as the Winter Soldier, the man who had kidnapped and tortured her and was now being tortured himself, gently placed the girl back on her feet and grinned before kissing her head.

"See, you're meant to be here." Pierce interrupted Suki's thoughts.

"No, my father took me away." Suki tore her eyes away from the smiling image of the Winter Soldier.

"He was field testing you." Pierce put his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair. "Then he got soft and didn't give you back. He's had you constantly watched and chaperoned so we never get a chance to take you, but I knew the Winter Soldier wouldn't give up. We wiped his memories of you, of course, but I thought perhaps if he had a soft spot for you all the way then he still would."

Tears pooled in Suki's eyes. "I'm not a soldier."

"Not like this." Pierce stood and straightened his suit jacket. "Play"

Suki furrowed her eyebrows. "What?" She was sure he had spoken in Russian, but recognized the word all the same. She didn't speak Russian, did she?

"Butterfly. Rise. Twilight."

"Stop." Suki felt something happening to her. The same thing that happened back on the bridge, she was losing control of her body.

Pierce continued on in a deadpan voice. "Eighty-eight. Natural. Nine. Star. Zero. Skirt."

The room was quiet. On the screen the Winter Soldier continued to smile warmly at the little girl. Suki's head was bowed, examining her still cuffed hands.

"Soldier?" Pierce brought his face closer to hers.

"Ready to comply."


	8. It's Something

Sorry it's taken me a while to update. I've been spending time on my Captain centered fic, Someday, Normal. Go check it out! Things get pretty dark in this chapter and there's some perspective shifts I hope aren't too off putting. Leave me a review!

* * *

101 wasn't sure what was happening. She was stripped of her clothing - a pair of jeans and a black tank top - and given a black military uniform. Her hair was transformed from long blue layers to a dark brown crop cut, fingerless gloves were put on her hands to cover the tattoos that ran down them. She was given weapons - an AR-15, a Bundeswehr knife, a .45 Beretta, and bladed knuckle-dusters.

Something pulled at the back of her memory, she was forgetting something. Her handlers placed a heavy black mask over her mouth and used electrified picanas to force her down a long, narrow hallway. A cage door was opened and she was pushed into a room with a single light hanging down from the ceiling. Standing on the inside was a man dressed similar to her, except his jacket had only one arm to accommodate the metal arm on his left side.

"One Oh One." He inclined his head at her.

"Good to see you kids getting along." 101 turned her head towards the new voice. It belonged to Pierce, her master. Something clicked inside of her, whatever she had been missing, Pierce would have it. He would have her mission, her purpose. Pierce came up to her and put his arm around her shoulder, one the other side of the room One shifted just slightly into an aggressive stance. "Good to see you still have that soft spot, soldier." Pierce addressed the man then walked between the two assets. "I don't remember the last time we've needed to call in two Winter Soldiers for a mission." He fixed his gaze on One. "You're getting sloppy, old man. Luckily, our princess has come home, and she's ready for a fight. Aren't you, darling?" Pierce ran his hand down 101's face and she vaguely heard One growl across the room.

"She's not ready." One growled out at Pierce.

"Then I suggest you get her ready." Pierce put his hand menacingly on the back of One's neck and squeezed hard. "I'll be _very_ upset if you mess up again."

"What's my mission?" One asked Pierce, but kept his eyes on 101.

"The Captain." Pierce shoved a thumb drive at One. "Take him out before he ruins everything."

"She's not ready." One repeated himself. "She's just a little girl."

Pierce laughed at One. "I think you'll find she's very much not a little girl anymore, soldier. You have four days to get her ready to go on the mission."

* * *

101 launched herself again at One who easily evaded her attack.

"You have to be quicker!" He yelled at her. "Again!"

They each took a fighting stance and circled one another looking for a chance to attack. 101 struck for the corner of One's left arm, where metal met flesh, but he grabbed her wrist and threw her on her back. 101 glared up at him, the mask on her face preventing her from yelling back at him the things she wanted to say. He was too strong for her, too well trained.

One wrapped his metal hand around her throat and pulled her to her feet. "You will be killed if you don't start trying harder."

"That's enough." The voice of Pierce came through the speaker on the wall and One put 101 back on her feet. "Take her to the range."

One lead 101 through the nearly abandoned concrete hallways. As they walked, something nagged at the back of 101's mind. This wasn't right. The way she was being treated, the way her and One were called by numbers, something about it was _wrong_. They had been doing the same thing for three days now; wake up, fight, shoot, fight, receive and injection, shoot, fight, sleep. This was supposed to be the last day before the mission, Pierce had said as much when he first came into her cell to wake her up.

One handed her an AR-15 and pointed downrange. "No more fuck ups." He instructed. She was more comfortable with this than the fighting. There was no one to overpower hear, the rifle became an extension of her arm, she could feel the mechanisms moving inside the deadly weapon as surely as she could feel her own heartbeat. She aimed the gun at the target and squeezed the trigger.

"Direct hit." One said beside her. "Again." He clicked a button and a new target took place of the old one, this one further away.

101 aimed and shot again, this time her bullet landed a centimeter to the left of center.

"Not good enough." One brought up a new target. "Practice until you cannot get it wrong." He moved to the stall next to her with his own weapon and took aim. They continued on for a half hour, neither missing the target once.

One of the doctors came down to watch their progress. He was the one who gave 101 her injection every day. His eyes unnerved 101 as they continuously roamed up and down her body while she shot. He claimed he was studying her, that she should ignore him. The doctor stood behind her and said for her to ignore him. He pressed himself against her back.

"You have to do everything I tell you, don't you?" The doctor whispered in her ear in a sickeningly sweet voice. He reached down and cupped her butt. 101 brought the but of her gun back hard into the doctor's forehead. He stumbled back yelling at her. One was back in the stall in a second. 101 barely registered his presence, she was seeing red where the doctor stood, bloodlust pumped through her veins and she attacked. She tackled the doctor to the floor and started reigning punches down on him, his blood splattered her hair and clothing. One pulled her off as guards started to flood the range with guns aimed. One held his metal arm across her chest and aimed his rifle with one hand at the guards, daring any of them to come a step closer.

"Let her go." Pierce calmly walked into the room with a big smile on his face. One released 101 but stayed directly behind her with his eyes on Pierce.

"I was wondering what it would take to bring the rage out in you." Pierce cupped 101's cheek and looked at her fondly. "Unfortunately, there are consequences for killing one of your handlers, sweetheart." Pierce was talking to her like he was scolding a small child.

Behind her, she could feel One's muscles tense. "The doctor groped her." He tried to explain.

"Soldier." Pierce flashed his teeth at One. "You know the rules better than anyone. Take her and punish her."

One rolled his shoulders back and grabbed 101 by the scruff of her neck. He roughly lead her through the halls once more, never moving his hand and never speaking. They arrived in a small, concrete room with only a chair in the middle. One reached up an took off 101's mask.

"You cannot disobey. Not ever." He said calmly while cuffing her to a wall. Fear bubbled up inside of 101.

* * *

The Winter Soldier tightened the chains so 101 was fixed against the wall. The voice was screaming in his head not to do this, but an order was an order. He didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want to hear her scream, but he didn't do it, Pierce would. He saw how Pierce touched her, how his eyes ran down the length of her body and it made the Soldier want to rip apart the director limb from limb.

The Soldier charged the electric picanas and winced at the sparks they shot up when he clanged them together; he knew the pain they would cause very well. He jammed the first one into 101's shoulder and closed his eyes in a futile attempt to drown out her scream. He knew it wouldn't be enough for Pierce who was no doubt watching the live feed from the camera in the corner. He lifted the electrode and stabbed her other shoulder, this time twisting it so the individual spikes dug further into her skin. She begged him to stop, but he still could tell it wasn't enough. Pierce wanted her total compliance, she needed to be more like the Winter Soldier; and that could only come through pain.

"Never disobey!" He yelled at her in Russian and struck her across the face with one of the batons. The other one in his head was begging him to stop, screaming at him that this was wrong. "Only attack when told!" He screamed the same lines that had been repeated to him over and over again during his own punishments. Those memories were ones they didn't bother to erase, they were kept in his head so he would never make the same mistakes twice.

"Stop! Please stop!" 101 pleaded with him. The Winter Soldier looked in her eyes, hoping to see compliance. Instead, there was still the spark, she still wasn't giving up. He pushed electrode into her neck, causing her whole body to shake with the jolt. "I said STOP!" She screamed at him and at the same time grabbed his metal arm that had pinned her against the wall. Jolts of electricity raced up his arm and through his body, the pain was excruciating. His head pounded, the picanas lit up bright then shorted out, the electricity in the room grew so hot the bulbs broke.

The Winter Soldier was thrown on his back and knocked out. When he came to he was back in his cell, 101 was in her own across from his. Something was different, he felt different. Something in his mind was shifted. "What happened?" He rasped out.

"They said I almost killed you. Master said I'm ready."

The Winter Soldier jerked his head up towards 101. She looked at him with empty eyes, the spark was gone, she was...compliant.

"One Oh One." He started to tell her something, but he didn't know what. _People aren't numbers._ The voice in his head rang out clear as day. _She isn't 101, you are not One. Bucky. Your name is Bucky._

* * *

One and 101 were herded to a vehicle and driven south for hours. One kept his eyes on her the whole drive, never wavering in his stare. 101 felt complete now, she had a mission. Kill the Captain. Something still felt wrong, though. She was still forgetting something. One got the attention of one of their handlers, pointed at her, then tapped his neck twice. The handler nodded and pulled a needle from a briefcase. He stabbed her in the neck and she felt warmth fill her whole body. She took a deep breath and let the wave of relief fill her, she was fine, she wasn't forgetting anything, she just needed to complete the mission.

They arrived where insiders told them the Captain was and emerged out of the vehicle into the bright sun. One grabbed a handler and motioned to his mask.

"You know I can't do that, soldier." The handler shook his head. One narrowed his eyes and grabbed the handler by the throat with his metal arm. "I'll be punished." The handler choked out, One squeezed harder. Finally, reluctantly, the handler reached out and clicked a button on the mask that released it.

One took a deep breath and released the handler. "Let's go." He motioned to 101 and took off running towards a large ship above the river. 101 followed close at his heels as he scaled the ship and landed on a platform. "Stay above, do not engage unless I signal for you." He ordered her.

101 nodded in the affirmative and pulled out her AR. She looked through the scope and trained the weapon on the man in the blue uniform. Her finger hovered over the trigger, she could take him out easily, but One had told her not to. The warmth from the injection started to fade and the nagging feeling of forgetfulness pulled at her mind again. Something was wrong. _This_ was wrong. Beneath her, One and the Captain were locked in battle, the Captain was pulling back, though. He didn't want to hurt One, why wouldn't he want to hurt him? She heard the Captain talking, calling the soldier by a name. _But we don't have names_ , 101 thought to herself. The Captain had One pinned, he could kill him with a blow of his shield, but he didn't.

"You're my best friend." The Captain said.

"You're my mission." One reversed the fight and pinned the Captain, landing blow after blow at his face. The Captain said something 101 couldn't make out, but it made the soldier hesitate. During his moment of hesitation the ship, which had been breaking apart around them, started to fall completely and both men tumbled towards the river.

101 was knocked off balance and scrambled to regain her footing. She latched onto a large piece of debris and held tight as the ship fell to the river. Her body hit the water painfully and she was forced under. Her mask kept water from flooding her nose and mouth, but a piece of debris was crushing her. She pushed up with all her might and managed to escape in time to see One dragging the Captain to shore. She frantically swam to him and shoved him hard when she reached him on shore. One glared at her and she wanted to scream at him but her muzzle prevented it. How could he save the life of their mission?

Something was different about One. He was looking at her strangely, his eyes were focused but _soft_. Around them, people were screaming and sirens were rapidly approaching, they had to leave or they would be seen, but One just stood there looking at her. He stepped closer and reached his hand to her face, running a finger along her cheekbone then reaching back and clicking the muzzle off.

"We have to go." He told her in a gravelly voice. He grabbed her hand and ran. He didn't let go the whole time they were running, they zig-zagged through crowds of people, everything was in chaos so they were hardly noticed. One looked around frantically the whole time, searching for something. He found was he was looking for in a row of abandoned, dilapidated brick buildings and pulled 101 inside.

"We need to go back to Master." 101 pleaded with One, fear bubbling up inside her at what would happen if they didn't return.

"No." One put his hands on 101's face and held her firmly. "We are not going back to _them_ , not ever."

"We'll be punished." 101 said quietly and shivered remembering the feel of electricity pulsing through her body.

"No." The soldier repeated, then leaned forward so their foreheads were touching. "No one is ever going to punish you again."

"Why are you doing this?" 101 whispered, she didn't know what to do. Nothing made sense and that _feeling_ , the forgetting was growing stronger and stronger.

One didn't answer her, instead he went about setting up a perimeter. They were on the top floor of a three story building, there were almost no people in the street below. They sat and watched the catastrophe in the distance until the sun went down.

"One-" 101 started to ask a question.

"Bucky." He deadpanned back. "I think - my name is Bucky."

"We don't have names. We are the Winter Soldiers." 101 looked at the soldier beside her. "You are One and I am One Oh One."

One shook his head. "We are _people_. People have names, not numbers."

"Bucky." The word felt foreign on 101's tongue. "Then what is my name?"

One - Bucky furrowed his brows. "I've only heard you called One Oh One." He cocked his head and looked down to the right. "You were a little girl, you fell down a lot. Then I didn't see you for a long time."

101 thought for moment. A scene played out in her head; a little girl and the soldier in a training room. He was showing her a gun, an AK. He took it apart and put it back together, explaining each component. "You trained me." She said.

"Do you remember?" He asked.

"Yes, a little. Do you?"

Bucky nodded. "It's something, at least." He leaned in closer to 101 and studied her face. "Sleep. Your body needs rest."

"So do you." 101 looked back at him and pointed at the multiple laceration on his face.

"Sleep. That's an order." Bucky trained his rifle outside the window and didn't say anything else.


	9. You and Me

Character/relationship building chapter ahead. I'm so excited about where this story is headed! Please leave me a review!

* * *

Bucky took in his surroundings from underneath the baseball cap he was wearing and absentmindedly pulled the sleeve of his stolen jacket further down on his left arm. The room was filled with people, no doubt drawn to the exhibit after the battle that had just taken place. The room told the story of Captain America, but Bucky was looking at one wall in particular. A wall that had his face on it and was filled with his story. He read about growing up in Brooklyn, living with Steve Rogers, joining the army, and dying. He read how he and Rogers were inseparable. A part of him remembered these things. He remembered the smell of popcorn on Cony Island and the feel of the mud underneath his boots in Italy. These memories played like picture shows in his mind, he saw them but felt nothing. He couldn't tell if he was actually remembering them, or if they were just images brought to life by reading them.

"Have you been able to read the files Black Widow leaked?" Bucky turned his head towards the conversation of two teenage boys.

"A few, but now they're underneath so many levels of code you have to go to MIT or some shit to be able to find them."

"They should be out on the forums soon, though."

The boys continued walking through the exhibit chatting about what might be on the files. One of them set a backpack down while examining the busts of the Howling Commandos in their uniforms. Bucky looked around to make sure no one was watching and deftly stole the backpack, slipping out a side door before the boy even knew it was gone. He stepped out of the museum and took a deep breath. That he could remember, he had never walked outside in the sun without a mission. The air felt different to him now that it wasn't being filtered through a muzzle, he could see clearer without black camouflage obscuring the corners of his vision, he could walk down the street without being followed by handlers.

He quickly made his way through the streets, carefully keeping his cap low on his face and avoiding large crowds. He arrived at the brick building and made sure no one was watching him before climbing the fire escape to the third floor. 101 was where he had left her, sitting in a corner of windows with her rifle perched on her shoulder. She was pale though, way too pale, and he could see her shivering.

"You're sick." He felt her forehead with the back of his palm.

"Can't stop shaking." 101 pushed out through chattering teeth.

Bucky recognized the symptoms. They happened to him every time he was on a long mission and would be starting for him soon enough. "It's withdrawals from the injections. Drink this," He handed her a bottle of water from the backpack. "You need to stay hydrated."

101 eagerly gulped down the bottle but her hands continued to shake. Bucky took the rifle from her and set it to the side.

"If we just went back -" 101 started to plead for what felt like the millionth time. A stab of guilt ran through Bucky, although he couldn't understand why.

"We're not going back!" He told her harshly, trying to keep himself from screaming at her. She drew back from him on instinct and guarded her head with her hands. Seeing her take a defensive pose woke something up inside of Bucky. "101," He said gently, wishing he knew her name. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"I hate this." She replied, lowering her hands and looking up at Bucky with shiny eyes. "I feel sick and something is buzzing around up here." She motioned to her head. "I can't stand this."

Bucky put his hands on her cheeks and pressed his forehead against hers. "Just get through the day." He whispered. The urge to protect 101 rose up strongly in Bucky's chest. He needed to get her out of here, they needed to hide, to get away from Hydra and from the Captain who would be hunting them. But first, he had to get her through the sickness. His own hands were starting to shake and he was terrified he wouldn't be able to keep 101 safe once the sickness hit.

He hated this too, hated staying in one place when he knew they needed to be on the move. The feeling of helplessness was almost more than he could take. He perused the stolen backpack and found a notebook and a laptop computer. He opened the notebook, intending to write down what he remembered today. But, he still didn't trust the memories. He wrote down the only thing he knew for certain, the only thing he felt was true.

 _My name is Bucky Barnes._

* * *

Darkness was starting fall and 101 was feeling sicker than ever. She coiled into the fetal position in an attempt to keep away the bone chilling cold. All she could think about was an injection, she needed the warmth that only the needles offered. Her mind was a jumbled mess of memories and half truths, her body was covered in sweat, and she gripped her knife in order to defend herself from the enemies she was sure were about to attack.

Something touched the back of her neck and she lashed out with the blade.

"It's just me." One, no _Bucky_ , laid down next to her and scooped her into his arms. She shivered and grabbed on to his jacket collar, trying to bring him close enough to feel his body heat.

"Please just take me back to them." She begged. "I need the warmth, the serum."

Bucky shushed her and squeezed his arms around her more. "It'll be over soon, I promise."

"Why are you doing this? Why won't you let me go?" She spoke into his chest.

Bucky pulled her up slightly and 101 saw something different in his eyes. They were soft, but hunting, One - The Winter Soldier, her trainer was showing through. "Because you're mine." He said simply.

* * *

The sound of approaching footsteps made Bucky instantly alert. He disentangled himself from 101 who had drifted off in a fitful sleep. Her body was weak, she still shook violently, but her temperature was returning to normal. By morning, the worst of the sickness would be past. He, on the other hand, was not doing well. There were two voices in his head arguing about what to do next, The Soldier and Bucky. He was starting to break out in a cold sweat and could feel the pain behind his eyes as new memories tried to push their way forward.

The footsteps were coming from the fire escape. Bucky grabbed one of the rifles and silently made his way outside. The man he knew was named Steve Rogers was standing at the top of the stairs.

"Bucky." He breathed out, the relief evident in his voice. He was out of uniform, instead wearing a pair of jeans and a button up shirt. Bucky aimed his rifle and clicked the safety off, Steve raised his arms. "I'm not here to fight, Buck."

"Leave." Bucky did not lower his weapon.

"That girl in there, there's a lot of people looking for her." Steve's voice was calm but wary.

"You're lying." Bucky stepped half a step closer, still keeping his gun aimed at the Captain. No one would be looking for 101, she was just another asset, no family, no ties. Bucky was all she had, he _had_ to protect her.

"Her name is Suki Lovelace. You don't remember, but she isn't like you. She's not a soldier. Let her go and we can get both of you help."

Alarms were sounding inside Bucky's head. The name, _Suki_ , it sounded familiar. But he also remembered 101 as a little girl, he remembered seeing men in white coats strap her to a table and inject her veins with the blue serum. Suki - 101 - had always been Hydra's, always been his, hadn't she?

Perhaps sensing his hesitation, Steve moved forward just slightly. "C'mon, man. I can get you help, there's a doctor -"

Bucky readjusted the aim of the gun so it was directed at Steve's head. "We're not your fucking test subjects!" He growled at the blond. All he could see was the army of white coats holding him down, shooting him up with injections and scrambling his mind. Steve wanted to take him back to that, wanted other doctors to do the same to him, and to 101.

He didn't want to kill this man. There were men on his list, men he would be hunting down like the dogs they were, but this Steve Rogers was not one of them. "Leave." Bucky repeated. "Don't make me kill you."

"A lot of people are looking for both of you." Steve stated.

Bucky adjusted his gun again but didn't say anything.

"I'll go." Steve continued. "But I'm not giving up on you, pal."

Bucky ducked back inside the building and briefly panicked when 101 wasn't where he left her. He heard sobbing in the corner and saw her small frame sitting with her knees tucked up to her chin and one of the pistols pointing out at an invisible foe.

"Suki." 101 turned and looked at Bucky with bloodshot eyes. "He said my name."

Bucky nodded. "Does that feel right?"

Suki slowly nodded her head, her eyes were unfocused when she looked at Bucky. "I remember... things. My father, he... _tortured_ me. The needles, the beatings..."

Bucky saw Suki's pupils dilate and recognized the signs of panic settling over her body. "They're not here, you're safe." He crouched down so he was directly in front of her and cupped her chin in his metal hand. "It's just you and me now."

"Lovelace and Pierce, Hydra." Suki shook her head as if clearing her thoughts. When she looked back at him, Bucky gasped at the clarity in her jade eyes. "We were their lab rats."

"They won't find us, Suki. We're never going back to that place." Bucky reassured her. He relished in the way her name rolled off his tongue. It felt right. She was more than a number, they were more than assets.

"No. We have to go back." Suki lowered her gun finally and rested her palm on Bucky's cheek. "We have to go back and kill them all."


	10. Won't Back Down

Thank you for the review and follows everyone! I'm really excited to start developing Bucky and Suki's relationship more over the next few chapters. Please leave me a review to let me know what you think so far!

* * *

Pierce

Rumlow

Himmelstein

Karpov

Lovelace

The list ran through Suki's head like a mantra. Bucky had managed to decode enough of the Black Widow files that they learned the names of their scientists and handlers. The only confirmed kill was Pierce, thanks to Nick Fury. Rumwell had gone deep underground and Lovelace had fled DC. They were checking known Hydra bases for Himmelstein and Karpov, bases Bucky had been to at one point or another.

Suki pulled the long black parka closer around her to stave off the cold of the North Sea. Next to her, Bucky surveyed the approaching coast and looked warily at their fellow travelers on the small vessel. The others were mostly immigrants fleeing Eastern Europe and a few aid workers. For the most part, they were miserable, war weary, and hungry; Suki and Bucky fit right in.

Only two weeks had passed since DC and Suki was already regaining most of her memories. It was strange, though. She remembered two different lives now. In one life she was an artist with an overprotective father and a deployed brother. In the other life, she was the freak result of a cruel experiment and years of captivity by the very scientist who performed the experiments. She remembered sunny days playing in the park and the feel of the blue serum burning through her veins in equal measure. She thirsted for the blood of those that had hurt her, especially the man she called father, but she also wanted to return to her sketch books and ink.

If Bucky was experiencing the same kind of cognitive dissonance he showed no signs of it. There were few words exchanged between them over the past couple of weeks, Bucky mostly wrote in his journal but continued to train Suki in hand to hand combat. Still, he was different than the Winter Soldier Suki had first been introduced to. Bucky was calm, breathed deeply every time he stepped outside, and spent most of his waking hours making sure Suki was safe. For that matter, he also protected her in the few hours they slept. They were still holed up in DC the first night it happened. Bucky was going through withdrawals and had been up vomiting most of the night. Suki tried to take care of him, force him to drink water and eat protein bars, but that night he pushed her away as the sickness became almost too much for him to bear. She was sitting against the wall, wishing there was something more for her to do for him when the sound of his retching threw her mind into a memory. She was a little girl again, sick after one of Lovelace's treatments and when she threw up Lovelace lost his temper that his experiment was apparently failing again and whipped her across her back with a metal rod. Without realizing it, Suki had started to hyperventilate as the memory pulled her in. Despite being sick, Bucky ran to her and held her until the memory passed and she slipped into a fitful sleep.

The next night, it was Bucky who had the waking nightmare. It was impossible to tell what set it off, maybe the sound of the boys playing on the sidewalk beneath them, maybe the scent of the oil Suki was using on the guns, but a memory gripped him and wouldn't let go. He reacted more violently that Suki did, screaming and thrashing on the floor as something or someone attacked him in his mind. Not knowing what to do and not wanting his cries to attract attention Suki rushed over to him and put her hands on his face, trying to wake him up without startling him. Bucky grabbed her wrists and snapped his eyes open. For a moment, The Winter Soldier was looking at her with murder in his eyes, but then his face softened in recognition and he pulled her down so she was cradled in his arms. Suki had heard him mutter, "Mine." before they both fell asleep tangled against each other. They had fallen asleep holding each other every night since, although neither of them ever spoke about it.

Bucky clipped his backpack across his chest and pulled his hood lower on his face. "When we get ashore stay close to me. The base is only a few kilometers from the town."

"Are we going in in broad daylight?" Suki asked him in a hushed voice in order to avoid curious ears. They spoke in Russian, but there was still the chance that someone could understand them.

"We'll do recon, then go in tonight."

The small coastal town of Vigrestad came into view and the other passengers started to push forward, eager to see that place that would hopefully give them sanctuary. Suki almost lost track of Bucky in the rush of embarkation but she felt his hand slip into hers and he lead them down the ramp to the street. There were immigration officers waiting on the docks to speak with the refugees, Bucky weaved his way around them until the couple emerged in a back alley.

They hotwired a rundown car and Bucky started to drive them out of the village. He stopped on a backroad at the entrance to a forested area. Bucky started to pull out weapons and tech from the bags they had stowed in the backseat. He handed Suki a rifle and a small earpiece. "We'll circle the perimeter and rendezvous back here. Only use this if you run into a problem." He showed her how to fit the com piece in her ear.

They started into the woods and separated after thirty yards or so. Suki shouldered her rifle and walked as carefully as possible to avoid making any noise. Ahead, she saw the base. It was smaller than the one in DC, but still a seemingly impenetrable stone fortress. She counted twelve guards from her hidden vantage point. Making her way slowly around the fortress she found two possible entrances that were less heavily guarded.

An explosion of heavy artillery to the east made her lose focus. "Bucky." She breathed out, knowing something was wrong. "What's going on?" She spoke into her com.

"Get out of here!" She heard Bucky's voice shout in her earpiece.

She started running in the direction of the gunfire, they were obviously found so the need for secrecy was completely gone. When she came out of the tree line she saw Bucky fighting off at least fifteen guards in the valley below here. No one noticed her yet, they were all focused on Bucky. Suki dropped down to her stomach and pulled out the tripod on her rifle. The moving targets were more difficult to zero in on than the targets at the range, but she was able to rapidly take out three of them before someone shouted a warning about a sniper and four men started running in her direction. Suki rolled up and managed to shoot one of the men in the chest, but the other three were still coming. She pulled out her German blade and readied herself for the attack. The men had guns, but weren't using them, choosing instead to try and bring her down by hand. _They've been ordered not to kill us._ Suki realized.

She may have been no match for the Winter Soldier when he was training her, but Suki still had the super soldier serum in her blood and so was able to easily take out the three men. She ran to Bucky who was standing among a littered pile of bodies.

"I told you to get out of here." He glared at her.

"I wasn't going to leave without you." She holstered her gun and wiped her blade off on her pants. "They know we're here, why aren't more guards coming?" Suki looked to the horizon, trying to see if any more enemies were approaching.

"They want us to come to them." Bucky glared at the fortress. "They think we're still under control." He raised his rifle and started walking towards the building, pausing for a second to look back at Suki. "Aren't you coming?"

The building was nearly abandoned on the inside, or at least whoever was in charge wanted them to think that. Bucky lead Suki down concrete hallways that were all to reminiscent of the compound in DC. The air around them was damp and cold, a few bulbs hung loosely from the ceiling and they could hear some voices in the distance. They came to a heavy metal door with a small window, Bucky raised his fist for Suki to stop moving and slowly opened the door.

"Soldiers, we were wondering when you find us." A heavily accented voice filled the room. Around them, men in white coats stoped their work and stared. One of them, an older man with white hair, glasses, and a portly stomach approached the 'soldiers'.

"Himmelstein." Bucky lowered his weapon and regarded the doctor. His eyes were hard and trained on the man in front of him, the muscles in his jaw tense. He may not have had the muzzle on, but he was wearing the mask of the Winter Soldier. "What's my mission?"

Himmelstein raised on his toes to get a better look at Bucky's face. Seemingly satisfied with what he found he then walked in front of Suki. She tried to mirror Bucky's expression, but he had been a winter soldier for much longer than she.

"101 needs wiped again." Himmelstein said calmly to one of the assistants.

Bucky reached out with his left arm and grabbed the doctor by his throat. "That's not going to happen." He raised the man above his head and slammed him back down to the floor.

Chaos erupted across the room as doctors tried to escape. Suki felt separated from her body as she raised her rifle and shot every one of them with Bucky at her side. It was all over in a matter of seconds, blood splattered the computer monitors and equipment as well as their clothing. Himmelstein moaned from his place on the floor and Bucky dragged him to a chair, keeping him in place with a hand on his throat.

"Rumlow, Karpov, Lovelace." He said menacingly, tightening his hold on the throat. "Where are they?"

"You're going to kill me anyway." Himmelstein looked at Bucky with wide eyes.

"Yes." Suki stepped in front of him with her hands on her hips. "But it will be a lot less painful if you tell us what we want to know, that's more mercy than you've ever shown."

Himmelstein started to grind his teeth but Bucky stopped him with a gloved hand, holding his jaw open. "You're not getting out of this by poisoning yourself like a coward."

The fear in Himmelstein's eyes grew more apparent. "I won't tell you anything." He spat out.

Something caught Suki's eye and she smiled to herself. She grabbed the item and filled it with air. "I'm terrified of needles." She brought the syringe to Himmelstein's arm and tapped the bend of his elbow so his veins popped up. "You're a doctor. Tell me, what happens when a syringe of this size full of air is injected into a vein?"

Suki felt Bucky's eyes on her and hazarded a glance towards him but couldn't make out the expression on his face. Himmelstein was trying to jerk out of Bucky's grasp. Bucky readjusted his grip and held the arm down for Suki, acknowledging her with a small nod.

"Where's Lovelace?" It was the name on the list Suki cared about the most. Himmelstein didn't speak so she pressed the needle into his skin. "Where's Lovelace?!" She repeated, more insistent this time.

Himmelstein closed his eyes and Suki poked the needle through his vein. "One last chance." She said with her thumb over the syringe. Before she had a chance to insert the embolism causing air into his vein Bucky shot the doctor in the head.

"Why would you do that?!" Suki screamed at the soldier.

"We don't have time, guards are coming." Bucky directed her attention to one of the monitors where they could see a small troop of heavily armed guards coming down the hallway.

"You could've dealt with them." Suki gritted out, shouldering her gun and heading for the door.

Bucky stopped her and put his hands on her shoulders. "I promise you we will find Lovelace, but you have to survive long enough to get to him. You won't do that if you let your emotions get in the way."

Suki was about to respond but they heard the thundering of boots running through the hallway.

"Time to go." Bucky pushed Suki behind him and started down the hallway. One his way out he placed a small bomb just outside the room. They ran ahead of the sound of boots, the whole way Bucky stuck the small explosives on random walls until they were back outside. Once clear, Bucky pressed a small button and they heard the sound of explosions rattling the building. The building started to implode stone by stone as they ran back through the woods to the stolen car.

Bucky drove as fast as the dilapidated vehicle would allow. "The next time we're in the field and I give you an order, you have to obey it."

Suki rolled her eyes. "Or what, you'll send me to bed with no supper?"

Bucky slammed on the brakes and brought the car to a grinding halt. He got out and slammed the door behind him. Suki watched as he walked to a grove of trees and punched one of them with his metal arm, causing the whole trunk to splinter. She exited the car and marched towards him. He was breathing heavy and looking at the damage he just caused. Suki reached out a hand to put it on his arm but he stopped her.

"Don't." He growled out.

"I wasn't going to leave you alone back there." Suki said softly, now regretting her snarky comment in the car.

"I could have handled it." Bucky started pacing and ran his hands through his hair. "I can do all of this on my own."

"You're not going to." Suki put her hands on her hips and tried to sound authoritative.

"You're remembering, aren't you?" Bucky came to a stop in front of her. "You remember your life, your friends, your job. You could still go back to all of that."

Suki felt the breath go out of her. This was the most he had spoken in nearly two weeks. "What I _remember_ is being controlled all my life, being watched and studied like an experiment. I had a good life, ya, but now I see it with both eyes open and I can't - won't go back to it until Lovelace has paid."

"You could have died back there!" Bucky yelled at her. "Go home, Suki. You don't belong here."

Suki pursed her lips and looked down, struggling to find the right words to say to him. "Do you know why they called me One Oh One?" She asked and Bucky shook his head. "It's because before me, one hundred other children were taken from their families and experimented on. Every single one of them died, were thrown into a mass grave or something by Hydra - by the man who raised me. One hundred innocent children were killed and I somehow lived, so don't you dare think that I have any less of a reason to be here than you."

Bucky was glaring off in the distance, his face fixed in a thousand yard stare. "Why would you want to stay with me? After what I did to you-"

Bucky dropped his head and Suki saw the energy drain from his body. He was finally calm enough to allow her to put a hand on his back. " _Bucky_ didn't torture me. Hydra did."

Bucky pulled away and was about to argue but Suki silence him. "I'm not leaving. I'm a survivor, just like you, and we are not backing down from this fight. You've been taking care of me since I was little girl, now I'm strong enough for us to take of each other."

"What happens if I'm not there to protect you?" Bucky whispered with his face to the ground.

"Then I'll protect myself until you can get to me." Suki stepped closer to Bucky and put her palm on his cheek. "Don't try to send me away again, we're in this together."

The tiniest of smiles ghosted over Bucky's face and he finally looked up at her. "'Til the end of the line." He said quietly, then grabbed her arms and pulled her into a strong embrace.


	11. Not going anywhere

Whew! Are you all ready for this? Long chapter and the first sex scene of the fic at the end. I hope you are enjoying the story, in case you couldn't tell it deviates A LOT from canon MCU, but Steve and Sam will be returning to the story shortly (with a few other surprise guests). Leave a review!

* * *

Weeks passed with Bucky keeping his ear to the ground for any leads. When one finally did come in it wasn't Lovelace, but Karpov who was found. Karpov was not one of the scientists, he was one of the Winter Soldier's handlers. The older Russian man was apparently hiding out in Romania, near Bucharest. Bucky was on edge since they got the tip. His memories were coming in more frequently now, but there was still no emotion behind them. He remembered Steve, remembered the war, remembered falling, and the surgery to fuse his new arm, remembered the dozens he had killed. He remembered almost everything, but he didn't know what _feeling_ should be behind those memories.

The only time he felt emotion was in the memories he had of Suki. He looked across the tiny apartment where she was drinking tea and drawing in a notebook. Her dark hair that Hydra had cut short was growing back in and she let out a frustrated sigh when it fell in her eyes. He remembered the first time he saw the small girl. It was shortly after one of his trips to the Red Room to train the girls there. Pierce lead him down to the gun range where this impossibly tiny girl was waiting. She was smaller than the girls in the Red Room, her eyes were more trusting, she had smiled up at him and even in the memory Bucky's heart cracked in two. He was entrusted with teaching her the basics of weaponry and spent the afternoon patiently teaching her to disassemble and reassemble a pistol. The girl was a quick learner, she even made a game of the activity, insisting that Bucky scramble up the pieces like a puzzle for her to solve.

He also felt crushing guilt when he remembered the first time he was charged with bringing her back in to Hydra. He remembered watching her on the screen as he tortured her body, then later when he had punished her for attacking the doctor. When he thought of those times - of hurting her - he would nearly vomit with the crushing guilt that filled his whole being. He knew that Suki remembered those times as well. She never spoke about it, never questioned him about them even when she asked questions about his life as the Winter Soldier. He knew she remembered because when he would begin to lose his temper she would involuntarily shrink back or raise her arms in defense. Still, she stayed. It didn't make sense. Bucky hated himself for allowing her to stay, for being selfish and _enjoying_ that she was with him, that he didn't have to be alone.

In all the cacophony running through his head there were only two things he knew for certain were true. His name was James 'Bucky' Buchanan Barnes, and Suki was his. Everything else - Steve, the war, the Winter Soldier - those could all be false memories because he didn't feel them. But his name and Suki, he felt. The more time they spent together, the more Suki proved herself, the more attached he became. Eventually, she would realize how despicable he was and leave, but until that day came, no one was going to separate her from him.

"We need to get going soon." Bucky broke through the silence. He had been watching Karpov for a few days now and knew that the old man would be getting home from his daily visit to the bar.

* * *

Suki followed Bucky silently through the dark alleyway. They had both expected more than this. Karpov was not living in a compound, but they expected _some resistance_. Bucky opened the large window that lead into the dining room of the small home and crawled in first. The home was totally dark on the inside, they could hear someone moving around, but couldn't see the person.

"This way." Suki whispered to Bucky, jerking her head in the direction she heard the noise the loudest.

They came to an empty living room but it sounded like the person was moving around in the same room as them. As they looked around one of the walls started to open up. Bucky shoved Suki behind him and aimed his rifle.

A stunned old man stood on the other side of wall. "Soldat?" Karpov looked at Bucky in amazement.

Suki walked away from Bucky and circled around Karpov to squeeze into his hidden room. She checked to make sure Bucky had a handle on the situation and sat her gun down. There were piles of papers and notebooks on the desk, one in particular caught her eye. A small red notebook with a black star identical to the one Bucky sported on his left shoulder. It had to be about the Winter Soldier program, Suki pocketed it in her cargo pants.

"I thought perhaps it was only a matter of time before I saw you again." Karpov's heavily accented speech was slurred and Suki could smell the booze coming off of him.

"Where are the others, Karpov?" Bucky asked in Russian, keeping his gun aimed. "Where are Rumlow and Lovelace?"

"The serum has worn off I see." Karpov raised his hands and rested them on the back of his head. "Your memories are returning, yes? Perhaps driving you insane."

"Rumlow and Lovelace?" Bucky repeated, bringing the barrel of his gun against Karpov's forehead.

Karpov's face twisted into a sardonic smile. "Longing, Rusted, Seventeen."

Suki jumped back into action when she heard the familiar pattern of trigger words rapidly escaping Karpov's mouth in Russian. Without thinking of what she was doing she grabbed the Bundeswehr knife from her pocked and ran the blade over the front of the Russian's neck before he could finish the trigger words. The man's body slumped in front of her and she saw Bucky still frozen with his rifle pointed directly at her.

"Bucky?" She asked hesitantly but he still didn't move. She said his name again but no flicker of recognition came to his eyes, she tried a different approach. "Soldier?"

Bucky slowly lowered his rifle, his eyes never left Suki's. "You killed him." He stated roughly.

"I need to know who I'm talking to right now." Suki tried to keep her voice steady, but heard it shake all the same. She didn't know what would happen if not all of the trigger words were said, if she was dealing with Bucky or the Winter Soldier.

"You killed him." Bucky repeated.

"I figured he couldn't control you if he didn't have vocal cords."

Bucky rapidly closed the distance between them, stepping over Karpov's body and grabbing the back of Suki's neck. His nostrils flared and Suki tightened the grip on her knife, ready to defend herself if need be. Bucky noticed the slight change in her movement and easily pulled the knife from her hand and threw it on the floor. He brought his face closer to hers and threaded the fingers of his metal hand through her own. "Thank you." He gruffly whispered then with surprising gentleness brushed his lips over hers. He pulled away almost as quickly as the kiss happened but Suki grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and forcefully crashed their lips together.

Her sudden movement unbalanced them and the couple fell against the wall. Bucky reached out his hands to steady them and caged Suki in against the wall. They continued to kiss, both savoring the contact that they had been craving for weeks without knowing it. Bucky pulled away, too soon for Suki, and rested his forehead against hers. "Let's go home." He rasped out.

* * *

 _Home._ He had called this tiny Bucharest apartment with little more than a mattress and a refrigerator home. Bucky sank to the floor of the living space with his back against the wall and watched Suki peel off her blood-splattered jacket leaving her in a black tank top and cargo pants. The colorful tattoos of her arms stood out boldly against her pale skin, Bucky had never seen so many on one person. She sat next to him so their shoulders were touching a pulled a small, red notebook out her pocket.

"I found this." She explained and ran her hand over the star on the cover of the notebook. "I think it's the file on the Winter Soldier program."

Bucky took the notebook from her, he knew exactly what it was. "It's me." He explained. "I saw Karpov with it every time they pulled me from cryo, it's his notes on me." He tossed the notebook across the room, not wanting to think about the Winter Soldier or Hydra at the moment. He was more interested in the woman next to him and the way the small shaft of moonlight pouring into the room made the sweat glisten on her bare shoulders. Home wasn't this apartment, it was her.

She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her head against his shoulder. "Bucky?"

"Ya?" He leaned his head on top of hers, feeling calm and almost normal just by having her near.

"Can you tell me a memory? A good one, from when you were just Bucky. Do you have any of those?"

Bucky leaned his head back against the wall and mentally went through his notebook of memories. "It was summer." He started slowly, allowing the memory to fill his head, feeling the heat and noise of Brooklyn in the middle of July. "We buried my old man that day and I couldn't sleep because it was so goddam hot and my ma and sister were crying so loud. I snuck out my window and climbed the fire escape to the Steve's ma's place. We pulled the cushions off the couch and slept on the floor."

Bucky focused on the memory before it slipped away. He didn't say it, but he also remembered Steve's asthmatic coughing was even louder than the crying but for some reason it didn't keep him awake. The memory felt real.

"Do you think we can trust him?" Suki asked. "Steve - Captain America, I mean."

Bucky put his arm around her slender shoulders. "I don't think I can trust anyone but you." He reached across and took one of her hands in his own. "Why did you get all of these?"

Goosebumps ran up Suki's arm when he ran a finger across her tattoos. "I thought I was being rebellious." She chuckled slightly and Bucky smiled at the sound. "I was put in art classes when I was young, when I got older one of my classmates was into tattooing and when I got my first, I was hooked."

"I watched you for day, you know." Bucky continued to run his fingers up and down her arm. "The first time I was sent for you." They had never spoken about it, but Bucky knew it was time.

"I figured as much." Suki lowered her knees and scooted in front of Bucky so they were face to face. "What did you see?"

"Your hair was pink." A half smile appeared on Bucky's face when he thought about the first time he saw her. "You were walking out of your shop and you looked right at me, I was across the street, and our eyes met for just a moment before a car pulled up to get you."

"I don't remember that." Suki furrowed her brows.

"You wouldn't." Bucky continued on. "It was just a second for you, but it changed everything for me. I started to question things, the mission, who I was. You started to set me free with just a glance."

Bucky noticed a flush spreading across Suki's cheeks as he spoke. He liked the way it looked, liked that he was having an affect on her. "Look at me." He gently ordered. Suki lifted her eyes to his and he reached out to take her hand. "I don't know what's real or not real up here," He gestured to his head. "But I know that you keep saving me from the Soldier, and you're mine."

Bucky pushed himself away from the wall and captured Suki in a kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in deeper to the embrace. When her lips parted Bucky took the opportunity to slip his tongue in her mouth, relishing the feel. He slipped his flesh hand under shirt and gently brought their bodies down all the way to the floor.

"Bucky," Suki kissed along his jaw and whispered in his ear. "I want you."

Bucky laughed and nipped at her throat. "You already have me, doll." And she did. Bucky was completely gone for the artist.

Their bodies knew each other after weeks sleeping side by side. It was the most natural and comfortable thing in the world for them to peel one another's clothes off until they were both naked and delighting in the feeling of skin against skin. Bucky didn't have any memories of this, he wasn't sure if that meant he had never done it or that the memories just hadn't returned, but he let his instincts take over and his his instincts told him to devour every inch of Suki he could. He kissed, licked, and bit down the whole length of her body, not able to get enough of the feel of her. Suki tugged at his hair and he returned to her face, kissing her deeply while rolling one of her nipples between two fingers. His right hand traveled lower until it hovered between her legs.

"Goddammit Bucky, if you don't touch me soon I'm going to explode." Suki opened her legs and tried to urge his hand forward.

Instead, Bucky ran his fingers up her inner thigh and barely ghosted them over her center. He finally pressed down just lightly and pinched at the bundle of nerves begging for attention. "You're so wet for me."

"Bucky, please." Suki moaned out his name.

Bucky laughed and bit her lower lip. "I think I like teasing you like this." He kissed down her neck. "Tell me what you want, Suki."

"Touch me, please."

Bucky raised his hand to her face and placed a finger on her forehead. "Like this?" He asked with a mischievous grin. He was growing almost painfully hard, but having Suki writhing underneath hime was worth denying his own release for a bit longer.

"Bucky..." Suki growled out his name, she was starting to reach her limit.

Bucky ran his hand down the length of her body and rested one finger at her entrance. "Oh," he said and leaned down to kiss her once again. "You mean like this." He inserted his finger and made a 'come here' movement with it.

"Fuck!" Suki yelled out and bucked her hips. "Yes like that."

Bucky continued to pleasure her with his fingers. Experimenting with different strokes to see what reactions he could get out of her, always slowing down just before she toppled over the edge. He groaned deeply when she suddenly reached down and grasped his now extremely hard cock.

"You want it, baby?" He tried to maintain some sense of control even as she stroked him.

"Fuck me, Bucky." Suki positioned him at her entrance and opened her legs even wider. Bucky was sure he had never seen a more beautiful sight. He slowly, inch by inch, sunk into her warm core, the walls of her body contracting, sucking him in deeper.

"Fuck." He breathed out once he was finally, blessedly, completely sheathed inside her. "You feel so good." He muttered against her ear and started to move, slowly at first, then...

"Bucky," Suki ran her nails down his back. "I said to fuck me, I'm not going to break. Let yourself go."

With her permission he moved faster, setting an almost punishing pace. Suki met his every thrust and raked her nails down his back. She came with a scream of his name on her lips and he followed as soon as he felt her contract around him. He continued to thrust into her ever so slowly as they both came down then hissed when he finally pulled out, already missing the feeling of being inside her.

Bucky rolled to his back and brought Suki to his chest with his arms around her. "I'll never be able to let go of you now." He said absently while running his hand through her hair.

"You won't have to," She replied. "I'm not going anywhere."


	12. Sputnik

Sorry it's taken a while to update. I'm not too pleased with this chapter because writing action/fight sequences is one of my biggest weaknesses as a writer. Anyway, hope you are enjoying the story! Leave a review!

Also, if you are interested in hearing it I have a spotify playlist of songs that are the inspiration for different characters and scenes in this fic. I always like it when authors share their playlists, so I'm trying to do that as well.

user/1249424923/playlist/4Hsuv0FklGKlC733AkjLqV

* * *

Suki buried her face in Bucky's arm to avoid the sunlight that was pouring in to the apartment. They were on the thin mattress with a light wool blanket covering them. Both were spent after spending the night pleasuring one another again and again. Suki stretched her muscles one by one, delighting in the vague soreness she felt.

"You keep wiggling around like that and I'm going to need to take you again." Bucky muttered.

"Would that really be such a bad thing?" Suki teased and started to get up from the mattress but was pulled back down.

"You're not getting away that easy." Bucky circled his arms around her and kissed her deeply before getting serious once more. "We need to leave today, someone will find Karpov's body soon."

Suki nodded in understanding. "I was thinking we need to re-supply first. We're almost out of food and you get grumpy when you're hungry."

They set about securing the apartment, hiding Bucky's backpack in the floorboards and locking the weapons cache in the cabinets. The market was far, close enough to walk and it was a beautiful day. Bucky casually threw his arm around Suki's shoulder and she wrapped one arm around his waist as they perused the stalls. Bucky's gloved hands attracted a few curious glances from stall owners, but for the most part the pair were ignored. Suki filled a bag with protein bars and a couple of loaves of bread - good for staying full on the move. She found Bucky conversing in rapid Romanian with one of the stall owners.

"He says the plums should be slightly soft, that's the best way to tell if they're ripe." Bucky explained and lightly squeezed one of the fruits with his left hand.

The shopkeeper got wide eyed when he saw Suki and started to back up immediately. Bucky said something to him in Romanian then backed up from the stall as well and started to look around.

"Bucky, what's -" Suki looked at him confused but he was already picking up a newspaper from a stand.

"We have to go." He handed the paper to her and she was shocked to see her own face staring back.

"Pentagon Attacked!" The headline read. "Daughter of prominent American military leader to blame."

Suki was rooted to the spot, unsure what to do next. She hadn't been in DC for over a month now, how was she being blamed for this? Bucky pulled her close and started to rapidly walk them out of the market and back to the apartment.

They got back to the apartment building and Suki was about to head in when Bucky pulled her back and dragged her to an alley. He pointed up at their window and through the newspapers they had used as makeshift curtains she could see the shadow of a person moving around.

"Wait here." Bucky ordered gruffly. "Stay hidden." He started to walk away but came back a second later and kissed Suki roughly. "We'll get out of this together." He promised.

* * *

Something was wrong. They had been found too quickly. Bucky was certain he had been covering their trails flawlessly. He snuck into the apartment through a back window and stood in stunned silence watching Captain America rifle through their belongings. As if sensing his presence the Captain turned suddenly. A strong part of Bucky wanted to attack, but an even stronger part told him to wait.

"Do you know who I am?" The Captain looked at Bucky hopefully.

 _You're Steve._ Bucky thought to himself. _You almost died of an asthma attack in the winter of '41 when you got in a fight with some guy at a bar because he wouldn't back off when a lady asked him to._

 _"_ You're Steve." Bucky said instead. "I read about you in a museum."

Steve put down the notebook he had been looking through - Bucky's notebook of the memories that would come to him late at night, color coded so he could try to keep them straight. "I know you're nervous," He said and relaxed his body to appear non-threatening. "You have every reason to be. But you're lying."

Of course he was, and of course Steve could see right through it, but Bucky had to protect Suki and if Steve thought she had attacked the Pentagon he would take her away. "She wasn't in DC. We don't do that anymore." Bucky could just barely hear someone on Steve's com device warning that special forces were started to enter the building. He tried to quickly come up with an escape route.

"The people who think she did are coming here now." Steve started to walk towards Bucky. "They won't take you alive. They'll go right through you to get to the girl."

"That's smart." Bucky nodded. "Good strategy." He walked away from Steve and removed the glove from his left hand. There were men on the roof, he could hear them. If they were here, that meant that they hadn't found Suki yet. He could lead them away from her by circling around the building.

"This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck." Steve was starting to sound desperate.

Bucky closed his eyes briefly, wishing for Suki's sake that that was true.

"You pulled me from the river!" Steve was being more insistent, trying to get Bucky to listen to him. "Why?"

 _Because I knew you._ Bucky thought. "I don't know."

Steve almost visibly deflated at Bucky's denial. "Yes you do." He said quietly. Then a grenade was thrown through window but he deflected it with his shield.

A second was thrown, this one almost hitting Bucky but he managed to roll it towards the Captain and it was contained by the shield. Bucky grabbed the mattress and used it to deflect bullets and almost simultaneously jammed the door with the kitchen table. Men came crashing in through the window and Steve fought them away from Bucky. One slammed through the front door with an assault rifle firing. Bucky deflected the bullets and grabbed the barrel of the weapon, tilting it away from Steve while kicking the soldier in the chest. Steve put his hand on Bucky's soldier, Bucky twisted so he was facing the Captain.

"Buck stop!" He pleaded. "You're going to kill someone."

 _I am_ , Bucky thought, _but not these men._ He threw Steve on his back and punched through the floorboards to his backpack. "I'm not going to kill anyone." He glanced behind and threw the backpack to the next roof over.

Another soldier came through the window trying to shoot, Bucky guarded Steve with his metal arm, then Steve pushed him behind his shield. They two of them fought off the soldier. It felt right. Fighting next to Steve was familiar to Bucky. They seamlessly worked their way through the barrage of bullets. Bucky had to get to Suki, though. He pushed hard on Steve, causing him to fall through the window, and started running down the stairs so he could could a better vantage point to jumping to the next roof. He fought his way through the stairwell and could see Steve doing the same. He needed to shake the Captain. A soldier ran to him and Bucky saw his opportunity, he threw the soldier over the rail, forcing the Captain to catch him before he fell to his death.

"C'mon, man." Steve looked to Bucky, realizing what he did. Bucky couldn't help but slightly smile at the familiar, exasperated tone. He jumped down the stairwell and finally found a decent exit. Backing up gave him just the right amount of momentum to run and reach the next roof. He rolled, and grabbed the backpack. Behind him, he could still hear the battle taking place, they probably didn't even notice him yet. He heard a thud and saw that Steve followed him to the roof. Above, a helicopter started to rain ammunition down on them. A man with some kind of winged suit kicked the chopper off course.

"Bucky!" Steve yelled. "Let me help you."

Bucky stared at Steve for a moment. He wanted to accept the offer, it felt like he should trust Steve. But, he didn't know this version of Steve. This wasn't the kid from Brooklyn or the SSR soldier, this was someone different and he wasn't going to trust Suki's safety with a stranger.

"No." Bucky said simply and clicked the backpack around his chest. He ran to the edge of the roof and started to slide down the building, using his metal hand for support.

Suki was waiting for him just where he left her.

"Are you alright?" She asked, alarmed at his frantic appearance.

"We need to run. Can you keep up?"

"I think so." Suki nodded and they started to take off. Behind them, Suki could hear sirens getting closer. She followed Bucky, the serum running through her veins allowing her to go faster than should have been possible for a normal person. They jumped over a railing to a busy road and could hear sirens getting closer. "We need a vehicle!" Suki yelled over to Bucky.

A motorcyclist approached them, Bucky stuck out one arm and clotheslined the driver while spinning the bike with his other arm. He jumped and landed in the driver's seat. "Let's go!" He yelled over to a stunned Suki.

Suki wrapped her arms around his waist as they sped off down the street. Bucky pulled an explosive from his jacket pocket and threw it at the overpass, blocking their pursuers. Something came flying at the bike from the side, catching the front wheel and causing Bucky and Suki go over the front of the bike. Bucky held Suki tight, protecter her body with his own, as they fell along the pavement.

They both tried to get up, but the fall had stunned them both. Captain America retrieved his shield and ran over to them, first helping Suki then rushing to Bucky. "There's still time to get you to safety." Steve said urgently, begging Bucky to trust him.

"Don't think so, Cap." Falcon landed at the same time a host of black SUVs with sirens surrounded the group.

Suki pulled out her knife, ready to keep fighting, but Bucky lowered her hand with his own. If she were to attack any of the officers they wouldn't hesitate to shoot; they were caught with no chance of escape. Bucky was the first one apprehended, someone kicked the back of his knees forcing him to the ground and he let himself be handcuffed.

Another officer approached Suki and grabbed for her wrists, she spun away from his hold and kicked him squarely in the chest. The Captain approached her and she took up a fighting stance.

"Suki, no!" Bucky yelled from the ground in Russian. "Let them take you." He twisted so she could look him in the eye and gave her a reassuring nod. Somehow, they would get out of this, but not right now.

They were taken to a plane and restrained next to Sam and Steve. "So," Sam turned his attention to Suki. "You're some kind of super soldier too now?"

"Sam..." Steve said his name as a warning.

"Who are you?" Bucky glared at Sam.

"I'm Suki's _friend_." Sam glared back.

"What's going to happen to us now?" Suki interrupted the two of them and looked to Steve for an answer.

Steve's jaw muscles tightened and he looked out the window of the plane. "I don't know." He admitted.

* * *

Suki was restrained in a glass cell separate from Bucky. A woman in a crisp business suit stood outside the cell taking notes on a small notepad.

"Ms. Lovelace," The woman had a voice like honey, all smooth and sweet. "You want to tell me how a tattoo artist lands herself the role of public enemy number one in a matter of weeks?"

"Not really." Suki snapped her response.

"When Mr. Barnes kidnapped you -" The woman pressed on.

"He didn't kidnap me!" Suki snarled but the woman just gave her an annoyingly bright smile and continued.

"When Mr. Barnes kidnapped you did he threaten you or your family? Force you to do things for him?"

" _Bucky_ ," Suki emphasized his name. "Hasn't forced me to do anything I don't want to do. You want the real criminal here, find the man I used to call father."

The woman looked over her shoulder to the cameras, no doubt trying to tell her superiors something with a look. A crash sounded from the next room over and the lights flickered out.

"What's happening?" Suki asked. "Get me out of here!" She then yelled when she saw her interviewer flee the room. Suki frantically tried to pull out of her restraints, but even her serum strength was no match for them. "Someone get me out!" She yelled. She could hear yelling and crashing throughout the building, but no one came to get her. Something was obviously happening and it no doubt had something to with Bucky. Panic bubbled in her chest and the feeling of helplessness was more than she could take.

Suki tried to assess her situation, it seemed that her restraints were held in place by high powered magnets, if she could disable the circuits running to them, she would be free. She focused on the circuits, tried to imagine the series of wires and electricity running throughout the room. Even through she knew she could do something, she had seen footage of it, Suki had never actively tried to use whatever powers were in her. She focused all her anger, her frustration, her fear on the electricity around the room and imagined sending those emotions through the wires. With a scream, she let go of everything inside and watched as wires and machines sparked and broke all around her. When the smoke cleared, she was free and even the door to her interrogation room was blown wide open.

She took off running in the direction of the noise. There was a battle happening and she needed to be a part of it. Finally she saw what had happened. Bucky had managed to escape and was fighting his way out. She watched the battle unfold and realized that it was not Bucky fighting at all, but the Winter Soldier. The Soldier used his metal prosthetic as a weapon, pummeling every enemy in sight. Bucky, however, used the arm as more of a defensive weapon; a shield. The man fighting off agents below was the agent of Hydra, the torturer, not the man Suki had grown close to. She thought back to the little red book, something she read about emergency protocol.

"Captain!" She yelled when she saw Steve Rogers run near her. Rogers stopped in his tracks, obviously shocked at seeing her. "Get Bucky away from these agents, I can help."

"That's not Bucky, is it?" The Captain cocked his head in question and Suki confirmed his suspicions. "Meet us on the roof."

Suki ignored the sounds of fighting and ran upstairs before finally emerging in the bright sunshine. Minutes later, Bucky crashed through the door and headed straight for a waiting helicopter. Steve was not far behind. Before she could get to him Bucky started to take off in the helicopter and Suki watched in amazement as Steve pulled on the step railing with all his strength to keep Bucky from taking off.

"Sputnik!" Suki screamed as loud as she could towards Bucky. He hesitated, his eyes suddenly unfocused and then the helicopter dropped as he passed out at the controls. Steve, the helicopter, and Bucky all fell into the water below.

"Let's go, Suki." Sam swooped down in his suit and offered a hand to her. They flew down to where Steve was pulling Bucky out of the water and helped him get the unconscious assassin to dry land.

They found themselves in an abandoned warehouse not unlike the one Bucky and Suki had first hidden out in. Steve regretfully placed Bucky's metal arm in a vice while he was still unconscious. Suki was just beginning to worry she had done something wrong when he finally started to stir awake.

Sam caught Steve's attention and pointed at Bucky.

"Suki?" Bucky's voice came out a dry rasp and Suki immediately dropped to her knees so they were face to face. She put her hands on his cheeks and brought their foreheads together, reassuring him that she was still there with him.

"Which Bucky are we talking to?" Steve crossed his arms and stared at his old best friend.

Bucky gently pushed Suki away so he could see Steve but kept his hand on her waist. "Your mother's name was Sarah." He snorted and smiled at the memory. "You used to put newspapers in your shoes."

A wide grin graced Steve's face. "Well you can't read that in a museum."

"That's it?" Sam asked incredulously, looking from Steve to Bucky. "We're just supposed to -"

"What happened back there?" Steve interrupted Sam.

"They psychologist." Bucky drew his eyebrows together in confusion. "He somehow knew the trigger words to bring out the Winter Soldier."

"We've been looking for you two for weeks now." Steve walked to the vice and released Bucky's arm. He pulled the other man to his feet and seemed to almost embrace him before thinking better of it. "There's been traces and rumors but nothing concrete until yesterday when suddenly every nation's special forces were looking for you."

"I didn't attack the pentagon." Suki addressed the room at large, keeping one arm wrapped around Bucky's waist. "We haven't even been stateside since the hellicarriers went down."

"So I take you're the ones responsible for the destroyed Hydra base in Finland?" Steve crossed his arms and looked at them bemusedly. "That was a pretty big place for two people to take on their own."

"I still want to know how you wound up involved in all this, Suk." Sam glared at Bucky, clearly blaming him.

"I'm not the only Winter Soldier." Bucky squeezed his hand tighter on Suki's waist and launched into the story of Hydra and Lovelace's experiments. He explained how other Hydra operatives were given the same serum Steve had been given and were brainwashed and manipulated by Hydra. How the final test to join their ranks was to defeat Bucky - the original Winter Soldier - in hand to hand combat, only the ones he didn't kill went on to be assets. Then he told how Lovelace brought Suki to him as a little girl and him begin to train her before he inexplicably took her from Hydra's grasp.

"Howard managed to make more of the serum." Steve shook his head sadly.

Bucky nodded then dropped his head to the ground. "Stevie, I think - I think I killed him." His voice was laced with sadness, he remembered Howard the inventor from the 1940s - and he vaguely remembered riding a motorcycle down an abandoned road towards a vehicle.

"That wasn't you, Buck." Steve tried to reassure him. "What Hydra made you do all those years, it wasn't you."

"I know." Bucky looked up at Steve then over to Suki. "But I still did them."

Suki's hear broke at his words. He looked lost and scared, unsure what to do next where he normally always had a plan or a mission. "How did you stop me?" He turned his gaze back to Steve.

"It was me." Suki pulled away from him slightly. "I read about it in Karpov's notebook, a kind of mental reset that was programmed into the Winter Soldier in case he ever got out of control. Then you hit your head pretty hard when the helicopter went down."

"There was a helicopter?" Bucky shook his head, irritated that he couldn't remember.

"We need to get you both somewhere safe." Steve interrupted. "Sam, make a call to the headquarters and see who's around."


	13. Sparks

Sorry for the long update time. My summer schedule is really crazy and doesn't leave much time for writing. Anyway, here is a nice 'calm before the storm' type chapter. Please leave me a review!

* * *

"You really think bringing Barnes here was the best idea?" Natasha asked Steve. They were in the newly built Avengers HQ just outside of New York. "And Lovelace is now a fugitive of the United States government, how long do you think you can hide her?"

"I didn't have much of a choice, Nat." Steve was exasperated. He wanted to keep his best friend safe, but was being thwarted at every turn. "And we just have to prove Suki's innocence."

The couple in question were down in Banner's lab being examined by the man himself and Dr. Cho. Bucky was feeling trapped, there weren't enough windows in the lab and he was surrounded by potential threats. As soon as they feasibly could, he and Suki were getting out of there and continuing in their hunt for Lovelace and the rest of Hydra.

"I saw footage of your escape in DC," Bruce Banner addressed Suki while drawing blood from her. "You can manipulate electrical currents, right?"

Suki bit her lower lip, feeling just as out of place as Bucky. "I think so, I've done it a couple of times when I've been...under stress."

"Physical or mental?" Banner asked, his scientific curiosity getting the better of him.

"When she's been tortured." Bucky rasped out an answer for Suki, he knew she would never bring it up. He remembered the feeling of being blasted by electricity when he was 'punishing' her. He stood up from the exam table and started to walk out of the lab.

"Sergeant Barnes, we're not done here!" Dr. Cho called after him, but he completely ignored her and continued out. He needed to get out of the sterility of the lab, needed to be away from Banner's questioning and Suki's skirting around in her answers. He felt like he was suffocating and just started wandering aimlessly through the complex until he finally saw an open door leading out to a balcony. He ran to it and nearly catapulted himself over the ledge but was pulled by a strong arm.

"Bucky, stop!" Steve's voice rang out in his ears.

Bucky turned and faced the blond, "I can't stay here, Steve. I have to get out."

"Just calm down." Steve released his grip on Bucky's arm and they both slid to the ground with their backs against the glass railing of the balcony. "Talk to me, Buck."

Bucky stared at his friend for a long while. He instinctively knew he could trust the other man, but the amount of things he wanted to say, the things he wanted to confess were just too big. All the secrets and memories burned through him and he felt that if he even let one out he wouldn't be able to stop. "Fuck, I don't even know what to say." He collapsed his head in his hands.

"Why did you run out of the lab?" Steve asked softly.

"You remember Peggy?" Bucky asked instead of answering the question.

Steve nodded the affirmative with a look that said, 'of course.'

"Did you love her?" Bucky inquired.

Steve couldn't see where this was going, but at least he was talking. "I did, still do, really."

"Would you have ever tied her up and beaten her with metal rod? Or locked her in a cold metal cell?" Bucky's face turned darker the more he spoke.

"Whatever Hydra made you do to Suki-" Steve started to attempt to placate Bucky but was cut off.

"Answer me! Would you have done that to Peggy?" Bucky didn't raise his voice, but he might as well have been screaming his words caused Steve to flinch so much.

"I don't - I don't think so. But I was never brainwashed like you Bucky. Suki knows it wasn't _you_ who did that stuff to her."

"It was me." Bucky held out his hands and stared at them. "I did it all and so much worse with these hands. I've killed with these hands and god, I remember them all. And Suki's so fucked up she's still with me. She can't - can't leave because she's almost as messed up in the head as I am."

"You regret what you did." Steve said firmly. "You feel guilty, that's enough to show you're still a good man, regardless of what you were forced to do."

Of course Saint Steve would say that. Bucky wanted to tell him more. Wanted to tell him how, at the time, he enjoyed what he did, how he prided himself in his abilities and was happy when he finished a job. He wanted Steve to understand that he and the Winter Soldier were just two sides of the same coin. The Soldier loved what he did, enjoyed the killing, but now that Bucky was in control all he could feel was disgust at himself. Disgust that he had killed Howard Stark - a man he once called friend - in cold blood, and even more disgust that he had felt a kind of joy as he felt the life drain out of Maria Stark's body. Steve always had to believe that there was good in him, but Bucky knew that at his core, he was as evil as they came.

And Suki? He could never explain her to Steve. Steve had been so pure in his love for Peggy he could never understand. Bucky could never tell him how he wanted to tie her up in a room so no one else would ever see her. She would just be Bucky's. He couldn't explain how revolting the memories of hurting her were while at the same time how they kind of turned him on. He couldn't tell how the little girl from his memories had brought him purity and joy as the Winter Soldier while the woman she grew into brought him lust and love and jealousy.

Bucky had a lot to say, but he couldn't actually say any of it so he just shrugged and ground his teeth together. "She and I aren't staying here."

"I can't let you kill anyone else." Steve was back to sounding righteous. "Help us bring Lovelace in and he'll be brought to justice."

Bucky snorted. "We have very different ideas about justice."

"Just stay for now, please." Steve pleaded with him then saw Suki walking towards the balcony. "I can keep both of you safe, we just need a plan."

"Bucky?" Suki reached her hand towards him once she got close. "Dr. Banner just showed me a room for us to stay in."

Bucky reluctantly took her hand and stood up. He hated himself for it, but all he wanted was to feel her next to him. Sometimes it seemed like Suki was the only thing that could calm him down.

Steve brought his hand down on Bucky's shoulder. "Get some rest. We'll plan later."

Suki lead Bucky through the tower until they came to a door that she entered a code into to unlock. "Banner said these apartments are basically abandoned right now."

The apartment was sterile and Spartan-like in its furnishings. A queen size bed with a gray duvet took up most of the bedroom. There was a tiny kitchen with only a mini-fridge and a sink, the living room was a black couch and a t.v. mounted on the wall.

The bathroom was much the same, Suki stripped down and entered the large shower. The hot water felt wonderful on her grimy, bruised skin. She used the travel size shampoo, conditioner, and body wash to scrub away the past few days. It felt like forever since she had a good shower. When she was done cleaning herself she wrapped a fluffy white towel around her chest and headed into the bedroom.

"I feel human again." She threw herself on the bed and giggled over to Bucky. He was sitting at the small desk writing in one of his notebooks. Something was wrong. Suki could tell by the way he didn't look up when she spoke. "Bucky?" She walked over to him and put her hands on either side of his face. "Look at me, please."

Bucky looked up. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Suki pressed herself closer to him, so she was standing between his knees.

"I'm so sorry." Bucky whispered, just barely audibly.

"C'mon. You need to feel human too." Suki urged him to his feet and walked him to the bathroom where he let her take his clothes off a piece at a time. She tested the water and entered the shower with him, not minding that she was already clean.

"Suki, I-" Bucky started to speak but Suki shushed him.

"Just let me take care of you." Suki used a washcloth to wipe the dirt from his face then lathered up the shampoo in her hand. He had to lean forward slightly for her to reach his hair, but kept his eyes glued to her the whole time. She lathered up the soap and started to rub his shoulders, first the right then the left. When she came to the spot where flesh met metal on his left arm she gently ran her fingers over the scars. "These aren't surgical."

"I tried to tear it off." Bucky looked down at the scars, remembering waking up and strangling the doctor before clawing at the metal monstrosity.

Suki ran her fingers over the scars once more and leaned in to kiss them. Her shoulders started to shake just slightly. Bucky reached down and tilted her chin up to her, tears mixed with water were running down her face.

"Why are you crying?" He thumbed away a single tear, but more continued to fall.

"Everything." Suki said quietly while sniffling and trying to force the tears to stop. "It's just not right, everything that happened to you. It makes me angry and sad and scared and a million other things."

Bucky reached around her and turned the shower off. He silently stepped out and wrapped a towel around her and then himself and lead her back to the bedroom. His wet hair soaked through the comforter when he laid down and dragged Suki with him. Unsure what to say, he simply held her as she cried.

"I can handle the torture." He finally said once her sobs had decreased. "What I can't take is what they turned to me into. I hate the monster I am because of them."

Suki looked up from where her head was resting on his chest. "You're not that monster anymore."

"Yes I am. Look at how easily I became him again when I heard the trigger words. The monster is still up here," Bucky tapped his head. "Just waiting to be told when to attack."

"The monster is what they made you, it's not all of you." Suki was starting to sound like Steve and Bucky groaned in frustration.

"Don't you get it?" He shifted and sat up on the bed with his head in his hands. "The Winter Soldier is me. I'm the killer, the monster, the torturer. I am the one who took you and tortured you and I could do it again. All it takes is a few words and I could be told to torture you or rape you or kill you and there would be nothing you could do to stop me."

Something sharp bit into Bucky's shoulder and he jumped from the pain. He looked up and saw Suki holding her pointer finger at him. She pressed it to his chest and he saw sparks of electricity at the same time he felt another sharp bite.

"I can take care of myself." Suki planted her palm against his chest. "If I had to...I could stop you."

Bucky took her hand and placed it on his temple. "Do that again."

Suki let the energy flow through her and sent a small jolt to his head. The veins in Bucky's neck chorded in pain but he looked up and told her do it again, harder this time. Once again, she focused on the feel of the electricity around her and this time sent more volts to his head. The hit was powerful enough to throw him backwards on the bed.

"Are you okay?" Suki panicked and peered down at him. Bucky reached his left hand up and pulled her harshly down to him, searing their lips together. The kiss intensified, Bucky wrapped his arms around Suki's body and held her tightly.

"If I ever..." Bucky broke away but kept Suki glued to him. "When the Winter Soldier comes back, if I attack you. Don't hesitate to use that. Kill me before I ever get a chance to kill you."

"Bucky, I don't think I could-" Suki shook her head. She would incapacitate him, but could never...

"Promise me." Bucky sounded desperate and he raised his hands to her face. "Never let me hurt you again."

"What about me?" Suki pulled away so she was sitting up straddling him. Despite the intensity of the conversation she still shivered with excitement when she felt the beginnings of his arousal through the thin towel wrapped around his waist. "Do you think I could live with myself if I ever had to do that?"

Bucky closed his eyes as if in pain. Suki leaned back over and kissed him delicately on the cheek. "I wish you could see how much I care for you. I need you, Bucky, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep you."

She felt his dick harden completely at her words and felt his hand quickly undo the knot that was holding the towel up on her chest.

"Show me." He growled into her ear and brought her hand down so it rested on his erection.

Suki understood what he needed and wrapped her hand around the silky hardness. She couldn't quite touch her fingers together but squeezed and pumped once earning a moan from Bucky. Seeing him begin to come undone at her hand brought a smile to Suki's face and she continued to pump, occasionally running her thumb over the slit that was starting to leak precum. She moved down his body and still holding him by the base licked up his shaft and swirled her tongue around the tip. Bucky bucked his hips up, silently begging for her to take him in her mouth. His fingers hovered above her head constantly forming and unforming a fist. Suki reached up and brought his hand down to her head, knowing what he was keeping himself from doing. He tangled his fingers in her hair and pushed down slightly, her lips parted and he entered her mouth. Suki brought him in deeper for just the briefest of seconds before resting with her lips just around the tip. She knew what he wanted to do but was holding himself back from doing. Bucky let out another moan and pushed her head slightly down more but she didn't move, not yet. He continued to just lightly press her head down until he was completely engulfed in her mouth. Suki breathed through her nose and relaxed her throat, waiting for his next move. Realizing the game she was playing Bucky pulled her hair up and pulled out of her mouth with an audible 'pop'.

"Do that again." Suki looked up at him from under her eyelashes. "Harder this time."

Bucky grinned and brought his other hand down to her head. He started slowly once more, entering her mouth one inch at a time. He gradually picked up speed and Suki moaned around him, causing him to want to go even faster. His hands gripped her hair painfully but all Suki really felt was desire for him. She kept her mouth as wide open as she could muster and allowed him to use her however he needed. Within minutes he came down her throat with a loud shout and gingerly slipped out of her mouth.

Suki could feel her own arousal soaking her inner thighs but simply laid down next to him, intending to allow Bucky time to recover.

"You don't think I'm done with you, do you?" The edge to Bucky's voice made Suki look up. He had a gleam in his eyes she had never seen before and it made a new flood of desire slam through her entire body. Bucky grabbed her hands and made her grip two of the metal rods of the headboard. "Stay."

Suki didn't dare move even as he left the room. She tried to rub her thighs together to get some relief from growing pressure between her legs but it wasn't enough. Bucky returned quickly with a small length of rope that made Suki groan with desire when she saw it. "Where was that?" She asked breathily.

Bucky smiled, "Always keep a little rope with you, you never know when it will come in handy."

He tied her wrists to the headboard with a complicated knot. "Are you okay?" He asked while running his hand over her ribcage. Suki could only moan in return, he had barely touched her and she was already almost gone. "Need to hear you say it, doll." Bucky took his hand off and waited.

"Yes. I'm fine." Suki opened her eyes and forced herself to focus. "I - I didn't know I did, but I want this."

Bucky kissed her then, lightly at first then turning more aggressive. He palmed her left breast and then pinched the nipple. The slight pain made Suki gasp, but Bucky just pinched harder and twisted it slightly. "You tell me to stop if it gets to be too much." Bucky instructed. "Don't let me hurt you."

"I like some of the hurt." Suki gasped out.

"That's my girl." Bucky grinned and bit down on her nipple causing her to yell out. He ran his tongue over the abused skin then gave her other side the same treatment. His right hand slowly ran down her stomach to her core. "Oh doll, you're soaking."

Suki could only nod. She yearned to run her hands down his back or though his hair, anything to touch him, to make him touch her more. Bucky reached up and brought his finger to her mouth, she reveled at tasting her own juices on his skin.

"I want you to feel good, Suki." Bucky said as he repositioned himself once more so he was between her legs. He bit down on her inner thigh and sucked until he could see a light purple bruise forming. "I want to erase all the bad I did to you and just leave you with pleasure when you think of me touching you."

"Bucky." Suki raised her hips desperately. "You've already done that."

Bucky bit his lower lip and Suki saw his eyes darken with desire. "I wonder how long I can keep you this desperate for me." He said more to himself than her. He pinched her clit and ran his fingers along her folds, making her almost see stars.

"I want more." Suki moaned, wondering how much she could take before he drove her completely insane.

Bucky mercifully obliged and began to lick directly at her clit, occasionally biting down to hear her scream his name. He entered her with two fingers and set a furious pace until she was coming with a scream. She came down from her high and Bucky gave her a few seconds to regain her bearings.

"You are so beautiful like that." He lovingly stroked a finger down her face and kissed her nose. "Are you still okay?"

Suki was starting to feel an ache in her shoulders and could tell the rope was burning her wrists but nodded just the same. "I want you." She could already feel her arousal growing back up again. "I need you inside me."

Bucky reached up and skillfully untied her hands. He gently rubbed her wrists and kissed the red marks. "You're doing so good." He shifted their bodies so she was straddling him. "Can you do one more thing for me?" He reached around and spanked her hard enough to make her flinch.

"Anything, tell me what you want." Suki wanted to impale herself on his hardness but waited to be told what to do.

Bucky granted her silent wish and slammed inside her. Both of them groaned at the contact. He grabbed her hips and started to move, setting an almost punishing pace. "Shock me again." He gritted out, barely able to get out the words because he was so focused on how tight and warm she felt around him.

Suki focused enough to send electricity though his body from where her hand rested on his right shoulder.

"Fuck!" Bucky roared and rose both of them off of the bed with power of his thrust. "Again, harder."

Suki forced even more into him and he yelled once again, raising his torso so they were now in a sitting position. Suki wildly ground herself down on him, constantly needing more, and raked her nails down his back. "Oh my God, Bucky!" She pulled at his hair. "I'm going to -"

"C'mon baby." Bucky bit her shoulder and growled into her ear. "I want to feel you come all over my dick."

His filthy words were Suki's undoing and she let herself go. She felt her orgasm rip through her body and couldn't control the electric sparks that burst forth from her fingertips. The light bulb on the ceiling grew ultra bright before breaking and Suki couldn't stop shaking as she finally came to sheltered in Bucky's arms.

"Are you okay?" He whispered to her.

"Mmhmm." It was all she could get out.

* * *

Elsewhere in the building Steve and Bruce looked up at the lights confusedly as they flickered on and off and on again.


End file.
